Wednesday, December 29, 2010
I don't do this for the awards but....
To me, it's not about winning an award. It's more about growing. I've been a reporter since March 2003. So to go around 7 years without winning anything, not even third place, made me question whether I am really worth a crap when it comes what I do for a living. Am I getting any better as a writer, as a reporter, or am I staying the same and not growing at all? By not winning anything, it makes me feel like I am not doing good enough, like I am not growing. That makes me sad and it makes me question if I should be in this business.
Each year as it gets around the time of year for the announcements to be made of who won, I always get really nervous and antsy. I know I'll never get that magical letter that says, "you won!" But last year, I did, just before Christmas. I was so excited. This year, I got the magical, "I'm sorry you suck and did not win (again) letter." It hurts because I try hard to be a good, fair reporter. And I feel like when I don't win anything for the paper, I'm not only letting myself down, I am letting my paper down. If you walk into our office right now, you'll see dozens of awards from the NC Press Association. The awards go back 50 plus years. The Graphic has always won awards. I've been here for almost five years and I've won one thing for this paper? If I were the Graphic, I would have done booted me out the door.
But then I look at who is winning these things and I can't help but thing, there's some type of conspiracy going on. There are papers winning awards who quite frankly, aren't worth a crap. I know I'm a little biased and all, but seriously, it doesn't seem right. It just seems to be a bunch of bull and a waste of money to even go for these things.
I just want to grow. I want to know that in the 7 or 8 years I've been doing this, I'm getting better. I want to know I'm becoming a better writer and a better reporter. I like to think I'm a different type of reporter. I'm not a very mean, angry, aggressive reporter. I try to be nice first and usually people respect that and I get what I need or want. But I do my job and if that means I have to be a butt, then I'll be one. BUT I always try the nice route first. I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong so that maybe I could change it and become better at what I do. I have given up a lot for this career. I work nights, weekends and some holidays and I work for far less money than I could be making elsewhere but I don't do this job for money. I do it because I love it. Being a reporter has forced me to become more social and has brought me out of my little shell. I guess I think an award will maybe prove that everything I've given up has been worth it.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Snow, 14 inches of it
I love it because it brings out the kid in me. I want to run around in it and play and fall down and make snow angels and snowmen and throw snowballs and Allen and my two girls. But, I hate it because I'm terrified to drive in it and of course, because of my job and the fact that I'm a grown up, I can't miss work because of snow.
They kept saying we'd get snow on Christmas Day this year and as exciting as that may have been to some, it freaked me out. We were going to be in Pitt County on Christmas Day and I didn't want our family time be cut short because of snow and I sure wasn't going to stay down there and drive home in the middle of a blizzard, so I kept listening to the news to see what the latest predictions were. Finally, they said it snow late Christmas Day, probably after dark. That gave me some comfort because we wouldn't have to rush quite as much.
This year, we spent Christmas Eve in Bethel. We always do Christmas Eve gift stuff with my dad and grandmother and since we go back down there on Christmas Day, we decided that this year, we'd spend the night. Gas is like $3.00 a gallon and it just made sense to save money and stay down there. So we did. We went to the Christmas Eve service at my church, then had dinner with my dad, grandma and aunt. Then we went back to my grandma's house and did our presents. Then, we went to Allen's parents and spent some time there. We went back to my grandma's around 1:30 a.m. and went to bed.
On Christmas Day, we got up and went back to Allen's parents and stayed until around 2 and then went back to my grandma's for the big family party. We stayed there until maybe 4:30 or so and then went back to Allen's parents. Yes, we drove back and forth a lot! But, our families only live like 5 minutes away from each other. Sometime between 8 and 9, a friend of mine texted me to tell me it had started snowing in Nash County and had been for maybe an hour or so. So that was our cue to pack it up and head home. We didn't hit any snow or rain until we got to Nash County but the roads were fine until we got to our road and even then, it was just a little slippery.
We had a good Christmas. I am thankful that this year, Allen's family was able to get along and there wasn't any drama. That's not always the case.
Once we got home, the snow fell and fell and fell until around 14 inches had fallen in our yard. It was a beautiful site and it makes me so happy to live in the country because it's so pretty when it snows.
We stayed home on Sunday and I had to miss work on Monday because of the roads, though I did work from home and got right much done there. And now, the weather is supposed to get up to 60 degrees so I assume the snow will soon be a memory.
But overall, this snow wasn't so bad. Allen drove me to work on Tuesday and it made me very thankful to know I have such a good husband. But in the future, I hope we can get our hands on a 4-wheel drive vehicle so maybe I can try my hand at driving in the snow.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Straight to the heart
Today, a lady from Nash OB-gyn called to confirm my appointment and to talk to me about it. I guess that's when it hit me. I'm not going to this appointment for fun, to see what the baby is. We're going to this appointment because there's a chance that our baby could have a heart defect of some kind.
The ultrasound on January 7 is not just a normal ultrasound. It's actually a very detailed one, one where they can really get a good look and listen to the baby, to tell if anything is wrong.
Allen's family has a pretty extensive history of heart problems. Even Allen has had heart problems. He's had two heart surgeries, one of which was within the first year or so of us dating. But that surgery supposedly corrected everything and he's been fine since. But he has nephews and nieces with issues as well. One niece, who is maybe 8 or 9, isn't supposed to make it to her teens. She has really major heart problems. But she's proven the doctors wrong so far and I can only pray that continues to prove them wrong and gets to live a much longer life than doctors planned for her.
On one side, I'm glad we get to find all this out early so we can plan for it. But I am so scared for our baby. I don't want anything to be wrong with him/her. I want it to be healthy, so it can have a fun-filled life, a normal life. I know that's what every parent wants for their child.
I'm trying to not stress over it because there's nothing I can really do to change things. If there's something wrong, then we just have to deal with it. But I know the next few weeks will be stressful and I'll worry a little. I guess as the person carrying the baby, I feel somewhat responsible for what happens to it. If something is wrong, I know I'll blame myself. Every time I eat or drink something that isn't healthy, I feel bad and wonder what I'm doing to this little thing inside me, who today is the size of an avocado. It's a big responsibility to grow a baby inside you and it's a little scary to know that everything you eat and drink and breathe in, you're doing for your baby as well.
But in the end, I know it's God's will and if we are meant to have a healthy, normal baby with no health issues, then we will. If we aren't, then I guess we will deal with that when the time comes. I can't imagine I'll love him/her any more or less.
Christmastime
It's hard to think that this is our last Christmas with just the two of us although Allen says technically, this is the baby's first Christmas. I'm not buying it though! I can't dress the baby up in little corny Christmas outfits so I don't count it being in my belly as being here for Christmas.
But next year, we'll have a 6-month old baby and though he/she won't understand what is even going on, I know for us, Christmas will be different. All holidays will be different. I was at a Ruritan Christmas thing recently and a girl sang a song called "A Baby Changes Everything." The song was about the baby Jesus but I listened closely to the lyrics and it's right, a baby does change everything. I'm ready for a change and I think a baby will be a good change for our little family.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Til death do us part....
Friday, December 17, 2010
Almost 2011
Home renovations and such
Allen and I bought our very first home in January or maybe February of 2006. We bought a "fixer upper" as they are called but in reality, this house was a disaster. But Allen saw a jewel and he convinced me to buy it, trying to help me imagine all the cool things he could do to make our new home "ours."
Our home was built in the 1940's, at least that's what the deed says. But, there are many things about our home that has us convinced it's even older than that. It's a very well-built home, for the most part. I mean, it's a sturdy house, built with lots of solid, thick wood.
So we bought the house with the knowledge that work would need to be done. We bought the house knowing it would take some time and effort to get it right. Slowly, as we begin to remodel, we discovered there was a lot more wrong with this house than met the eye. Eventually, we felt we had been royally screwed over by the owner of the house, who now lives just a few houses down. We didn't pay a lot for the house but considering all the issues we've found, we still paid too much.
We knew the basic stuff was wrong; updated electrical and plumbing was needed, there were some issues with the floor, you know, that type of stuff. But we found a whole lot more.
We need a new septic tank. We kept seeing puddles in our yard and though there was no record of where our septic tank was, we figured out that it was in a general area. We knew that some of the lines had been driven over and were probably crushed. We eventually found the location of the septic tank and we dug around it and discovered it needed to be looked at. In the end, we had to go to the county people to get our septic tank put on inspection. This, of course, required us to have it inspected first and they told us it was outdated and needed to be replaced within a year. Of course, when we got it cleaned, we discovered it was messed up anyway and wasn't working like it should. So, we called around and got some estimates to replace it. The estimates came in around $3,000. First big problem.
Next, our roof needs to be replaced and not just the shingles but the whole entire roof. We had our roof inspected when we bought the house, as we did the septic tank, and they passed! Someone is obviously not a good inspector. Our roof is in pretty bad shape and so to fix that, it will set us back a couple grand. Luckily, Allen can replace the roof so it won't be quite as expensive but we're still looking at at least $2,000.
Inside the house didn't seem quite as bad, until we started really tearing stuff down. We found supporting walls that had been torn down, which if you know about building houses, that's apparently a no-no. So we have to go in and fix that. We've found termite damaged wood. Luckily it's old but we've had to replace those pieces of beams and such throughout the house. It's been one thing after another. Of course, in reality, all this stuff is probably typical of buying an older, fixer-upper home but man, it's been a nightmare for us.
Allen's worked on the house since we bought it. Not one single room has gotten finished. It's frustrating because we should have been further along by now but at the same time, I know it's been a lot of work and he hasn't had a lot of help with it. But now, we have a baby coming in June and at least the inside of the house has to be pretty close to done before the baby gets here. So, now Allen is rushing and he's probably gotten a lot more done in the past 2 months than he has in 3 years but we are still finding stuff wrong, which makes the process even lengthier.
We can't have a baby with our house the way it is. I think we both know that. I feel pretty confident that Allen can get the inside of the house pretty close to done by June. But right now, we're living in a shell. Our kitchen is completely gutted and has been since before we found out we were having a baby. Now, our new living room and the baby's room is in the process of being gutted. Our current living room doesn't have a normal floor. It has wood but it's livable. The bathroom is, well I hate our bathroom and cannot even begin to tell you how happy I will be to see that remodeled. It's a lot of work and I hope and pray Allen can find people willing to help him out on occasion to get it done.
Even if we knew all the stuff wrong with our house, I can't swear to you we still wouldn't have bought our house. We love where we live and we love the potential of what our house could be. But maybe, just maybe, we would have talked down the price a little more.