Still no ultrasound of the little one

So I made it through the doctor's appointment last week. It went well, sort of. 

I had hoped to have my first ultrasound that day but of course, that didn't happen. The doctor thought it was too early so I'll have to wait 4 more weeks. I just have to keep telling myself that patience is a virtue that I need to try to possess. 

This doctor's appointment was basically for my doctor to do a complete physical and make sure my body was good for birthing a baby. I suppose I passed that test, since he didn't say anything otherwise. 

I also was supposed to take a diabetes test. Since it runs in my family, they want to test me twice, once early on and then again when I am further along. To take the test, I have to drink this juice stuff one hour before my appointment. I had eaten lunch and about 30 minutes later, drank the juice. I went home to pick Allen up and right before we left for the doctor, I threw up. Yep, everything came out, lunch, juice and maybe some breakfast. It was pretty gross and I haven't thrown up like that in a while. I was not happy about it and of course because I threw it up, they couldn't do the test so I have to wait another month. 

The visit itself was pretty standard. It was like my yearly appointment, which I dread. The only difference this time was that Allen got to sit and watch the whole thing. Um, awkward. But the good news is, my uterus is growing!! That's about as exciting as it gets right now folks. 

I'm getting more and more used to being pregnant everyday. I'm drinking lots of water and even adding some milk in there, which I'm not fond of. And, I am laying off the caffeine. I still drink some every now and then but I am not drinking more than one soda or coffee a day. My belly continues to slowly grow although most people wouldn't notice. Since I am overweight anyway, it'll be a while before I really show. But Allen can tell I'm getting bigger in my belly and I can tell some too. That's all that matters really, right?? 

Though I am not growing drastically in my belly yet, I am growing "up top." I'm not all that excited about that because I don't need to grow any there. But I guess it's part of being pregnant so I have to deal with it. Allen finds that part pretty awesome but I do not. 

So anyway, here we are. I'm on the verge of 11 weeks and counting down the days again until I can finally this little baby growing inside of me. 

10 weeks and counting...

So today I am officially 10 weeks pregnant. I still don't really feel pregnant, except for he occasional throwing up and feeling bad. I guess that's not entirely bad. 

My first real doctor's appointment is tomorrow and I really hope that I can get my first ultrasound to see this little baby growing inside me. It's a "see it to believe it" type feeling. I want to see it!!! 

It's hard to believe Thanksgiving is just 2 weeks away and even harder to believe that in a year, Allen and I will have a family to celebrate the holidays with! It's exciting, especially thinking about Christmas. We'll be more motivated to decorate the house and put up a Christmas tree. And I can read the baby stories about the true meaning of Christmas!! 

Things will definitely change in June but I'm excited about the change. I need a new focus in life. I never thought I'd feel so happy about being pregnant. It's hard to describe but no matter what this little baby is, I know I'll love it more than anything in this world. 

It's a boy?

It's hard to believe it's already Sunday. Saturday's seem to go by too fast.

I'm at the hospital right now sitting with Uncle Dean. He's sleeping, or trying to. I'm not really good at this hospital thing. I never know what to do or say to him. I can't understand him and I know it's frustrating for him. It's frustrating for me too and I'm sure for everyone else who is here. It's hard to see him like this. I hope that he soon gets well.

These long hours sitting here is also hard because I am hungry like every 5 minutes and I have to go hours without eating when I'm here. Uncle Dean has a feeding tube in and I don't feel right eating good food in front of him so I don't eat. Last Sunday when I was here, I went so long without eating, I got sick. This morning I ate a little something and hopefully I can sneak down to the cafeteria when Allen gets here and get a little something to tide me over. This eating every hour or so is probably the hardest part to adjust to as far being pregnant goes. I'm used to eating like 2 meals a day, with very rarely anything in between so having to eat little things every few hours is hard to manage.

Last night, Allen worked some more on the baby's room. We put up a wall in what will be our living room to expand the baby room out some but mostly, to change the way you enter the room. We're closing off the current door so both of our bedrooms will be accessed via the hall, so you'll walk into the hall and be able to go to the guest bathroom and then the baby room and guest room. To do that, we had to move the wall out in the baby room. Allen has the braces up for the new wall, it just needs sheetrock. Last night he worked on tearing down the old wall. There's a fireplace in the wall so that should be fun to take down. Allen thinks he'll be able to get the baby's room and the new living room completely finished by the end of the year. The only thing the baby room will need is some paint but we have to wait until we know what we are having before we decorate and paint.

Speaking of the gender of the baby, last night Allen predicted that we're having a boy. It's strange because he's been pretty convinced we'd have a girl. I don't know why but he just felt like we'd have a girl. There's this little trick he does to determine what you are having. He's done it to several pregnant women and has been right on all of them from what I understand. Allen has this weird thing where he takes a string and a sewing needle and puts it over your hand. You look at the way it moves and can tell what you are having. Okay, so some consider this some type of witchcraft but I call it magic because I don't believe in witchcraft. Allen has this weird gift with pregnant women. Even without the string, he can tell what they are having, once they start showing a little more. He's been right with that too. So the string trick said we're having a boy. I'm anxious to see if he's right. I'm not sure I really believe in his weird little trick even if it does work but it helps to pass the time and makes it exciting to think about what we're having.

I had mentally been preparing for a little girl so now I have to readjust my thinking. I'm just going to prepare for either and be happy with whatever it is. I really wanted a boy but when Allen beat it into my head that he swore we'd have a girl, I started thinking about a girl and was finally excited about having a little girl. Now I'm just confused. I'll be happy with either. I just want a healthy baby. Maybe we're having one of each?!? That would be pretty cool, even if it is scary!

A boy would be nice though because Allen has so much to teach a little boy. He's full of useless, scientific knowledge that only little boys would care about. I'm amazed sometimes at how smart Allen is and at how many things he could have done with his life had he only had a more supportive family. I know that our kid will definitely be supported in whatever he wants to do, whether it's sports, music, science or whatever. I told Allen if our little boy wanted to be a ballerina, we were going to let him be a ballerina. I don't think Allen liked that at all!!!

I'm not sure I have much to offer a little girl. I know a lot more about how to be a father than a mother. I can teach a boy how to play basketball but I can't put little bows in girl's hair!! I guess I'll learn though. I can only imagine that whatever we have, he/she will be beautiful and will hopefully be a perfect combination of both Allen and myself.

Exhausted

How can you grow a healthy baby inside of you when you are too busy to take time to rest? That's the question of the day.

It's 10:30 on Friday night. I've been off work for an hour but now I am helping Allen with his school work. He's frustrated because he doesn't understand and quite frankly, I'm too tired to help him. So I'm just sitting here watching him get really pissed off. I just don't have the energy to help. I tried and helped some but I don't know anything about Excel. I mean really, I was in college like a decade ago.

I've already put in over 50 hours this week at work. I have to work tomorrow too. And Sunday is full as well. Next week, though it doesn't look as bad as this week was, will be another long week. I really don't know how much more of this exhausting schedule I can take.

People keep telling me I need to make sure I get plenty of rest while I'm pregnant. That's easier said than done and I wish I could adhere to those suggestions but being pregnant doesn't entitle me to 8 months of vacation time. But I do agree, things are going to have to change a bit, especially later on.

I can't continue running myself ragged. I can't do anything that will jeopardize the health this little baby. I would never forgive myself. But I do have a job and I need to keep it and any other time, I'd be quite happy about all the overtime but right now, I just want to crawl in bed and sleep for a few days.

I hope to lounge around tomorrow after I work but I know I probably won't. I have a house to clean and a family to look after. But maybe I can at least get a nap in.

If I'm this busy now, I can't imagine how my life will be once we actually have the baby. I need a nap just thinking about it!

November is turning into an exhausting month

This week has really wore me out. I'm either getting old or being pregnant really does a number on you. I can't work those long hours like I used to. 

Elections were this week so on Tuesday, we worked like a 16-hour day. On Wednesday, I was pretty sure I was going to pass out on my desk. I made it through but I'm still exhausted and feel like I could sleep for the next 7-8 months. The rest of the week was pretty exhausting too as I had something almost every night. But the week is almost over so if I can just get through it, I'll be good. 

I haven't felt to hot this week either. Aside from being tired, I just feel icky. I'm not throwing up but I just feel bad. I really want to crawl in bed and sleep. I'm probably just wore out. It's been a very crazy week and I've been on the go non-stop. I wish I could say it's going to slow down but it's not. I have to work on Saturday for a bit and then on Sunday, Allen and I are going back to Bethel to sit with Uncle Dean in the hospital. Then Allen has some things to do there so we'll be down that way for a while. Looks like November is going to be very tiring! 

Allen is continuing to push forward on the house. He's been busy this week and hadn't gotten to work on it much but he's still gotten a lot done. He put a wall up a week or so ago and has been working on tearing down the old wall. He did most of that this week. One night this week, I went to bed around 9:30 and was woke up by Allen around 12:30. He was playing with his phone and had searched for what a 10-week baby looked like. So he woke me up to show me what the baby looks like in its 10th week. I rolled over and looked at it and said, "Allen, I'm only 9 weeks" and I took the phone away from him and clicked back to 9 weeks and said, "wow, it has a head and little feet and toes" and rolled over and went back to sleep. HA! I know, it sounds insensitive but I was tired!!!! 

Allen is still his usual, lovely self. One morning this week, I woke up and went to the bathroom, which I do several times throughout the night, and I realized it was time to soon wake up so when I came back to bed, I sat on the edge of the bed and reached over to pet Domino, who was laying on the far edge of the bed and I guess I reached too far because I pulled something in my stomach. Allen started freaking out and told me I needed to be more careful. Um, ok, I'll never reach for anything ever again. Weirdo. It's going to get worse too. I can't wait. 

It's cute, right now, but I can imagine after several months of his paranoia, it'll get annoying. But at least he cares and is excited about the baby so I'm not complaining at all. 

But anyway, we're still counting down until Thursday, November 11. That's when we go to the doctor again and hopefully, get our first glance at the baby!!!

Losing the one thing I had left

In September, we had a bbq chicken plate sale during Bethel's Unity Festival to raise money for Jennifer's Scholarship. We did really well that day. I had set a goal for that day and we exceeded it and I'm pretty happy about that.

But something happened that day that I have not been able to forget about. That morning, I lost my half of the best friend necklace that Jennifer and I had. I wear it on occasion but always tried to wear it during fundraisers for the scholarship. The Friday before the sale, Allen and I had decided to camp out in my grandma's back yard. That way, we could try camping with the dogs. Plus, we still had Nash then and we thought it would give him a good experience. So we slept outside in tents with 3 dogs. It was interesting.

Before bed, I took my necklace off and put it in Allen's van, in the cupholder. That next morning, we got up before dawn. I went into my grandmas to shower (yeah I cheated) and when I went to get my necklace, I lifted it up and my charm fell off. I don't know where it fell. We looked for a while but I had to get to Bethel to get ready for the sale. Allen convinced me that it had probably fallen in the van somewhere. We never found it.

I thought about it all day and if I wasn't so busy that day, I would have went to a corner and cried about it. But I didn't have time. I've thought about it ever since and wondered if I'd ever find it again.

I know it's just a necklace but it represented a lot more than that to me. It was all I had left of Jennifer and it represented our friendship. I gave Jennifer that either in middle school or high school. I had held onto it for that long. It's one of those things that can never be replaced.

Today, I'm back to thinking about it. I hope and I pray that someday it miraculously turns up. I know it won't. It probably is buried in my grandmother's yard somewhere. I know I'll never see it again, just like I'll never see Jennifer again.

9 weeks and still counting

So I'm almost officially 9 weeks pregnant. I'm excited because that means I'm closer to my 10-week appointment, where hopefully *cross your fingers,* I'll be able to get a first glimpse of the baby. 

Luckily, the morning sickness has gone away for the most part. I still have days where I feel bad and there are times I still throw up but at least it's not constant so I'm happy about that. I am still tired all the time though and my back is already killing me. I can't imagine what that will be like in a few more months! 

Allen continues his extreme work on our house, to get it ready for the baby. He's moving along fairly well but of course, financially, it's going to be hard to do all this stuff at once. But we've decided to just pray about it and let God handle it. 

Allen has been really funny about this baby. He's so excited. It's really sweet the way he's acting. I never realized how much he wanted a baby and I certainly didn't realize how happy it'd make him to be having one. He's always rubbing my stomach (even though I'm not really showing that much yet) and he is spoiling me a bit. I admit, I like it. Last night, he put his head on my stomach and swore he could hear a very faint heartbeat. I don't know if he could or not but who am I to deny his pleasure of thinking so? I've put my hands on my stomach and swear I feel things too but I'm pretty sure it's too early to be able to feel it unless you have a doctor's tool or something. But it's exciting just to think about getting to see the baby on our first ultrasounds next week. I can't wait! 

In other news, prayers are still needed for my Uncle Dean. I sat with him on Friday and Sunday and he was doing okay when I saw him. In fact, we thought he was getting better but he started slipping on Sunday evening. He's not doing well now. I hope that he starts to improve again so he get better and come home. I know he's got a long road ahead of him but he's a fighter and I think he can get through this.