I'm pretty sure I've written about my mom in this space before but just in case, let's recap.
My mom walked out on my dad when I was like 1, maybe 2 years old. She walked out and never looked back.
I'd get an occasional card or phone call but that was it. Sometimes, like once every 10 years, she'd call and want me to visit her. My dad made me go and I hated it, just about as much as I hated her.
I know, it's horrible to say but I hate my mom. She's done nothing but disappoint and hurt me.
Over the years, she'd call and say she wanted to be in my life so I'd do something stupid to let her in. I'd always regret because like clockwork, she'd always disappear again. At 28 years old, I received a letter from my mom. The letter apologized for leaving me and for not being there for. The letter proclaimed how my mother had found Jesus and was a new person. And finally, the letter said she wanted to be a part of my life.
I thought about the letter for a while and finally wrote back. I told her how much she had hurt me and how my mother was the women who raised me, not her. But, I told her I'd try to let her in. And I did. Then I got pregnant with Corbin. I was doing pretty good and letting her in my life a little more each day. When Corbin was born, she came to the hospital to see him and a few weeks letter she accused me of not wanting her in his life because I had not driven AN HOUR AND A HALF to visit her. Anyway, I informed her I had a newborn and driving that far was ridiculous. If she wanted to come see him, she could drive her butt to Nashville. That's when she accused me of basically plotting to not let her be a part of his life. My whole plan, according to her, was to never let her in my life. She went on to talk about her newfound religion and how great she'd be for my kid and how she'd pray for me and blah blah blah. So I unleashed a fury on her I never even knew I had. It was a fury without bad language and it was about as Christian a fury as I could give. Long story short, after lots of back and forth conversations, I finally told her to leave me alone and to not talk to me or my family ever again because I didn't want my son around someone like her. She said okay and I haven't talked to her since. That was a year and a half ago.
Anyway, I do have more to share on this topic but it's for another day. The point to all this is, the woman who gave birth to me is not my mom. My grandmother is my mom.
Mama Ruth is the one who raised me. She's the one who forced me to wear ridiculously girly clothes and curled my hair so high, I looked like a wannabe 80's country singer. She's the one that went on to help me during hard times, the one who has always been there for me and the one I go to when I need a mother.
But, Mama Ruth is also my grandmother. Which means she's not a spring chick anymore, as they say.
Mama Ruth is getting up there in age. She's like 85 now, I think.
Her health has been going downhill for a while and I guess we all know that people don't live forever.
A few years ago, while visiting my aunt in Ohio, Mama Ruth had a stroke. It was just before Thanksgiving and she was in the hospital in another state. That actually turned out to be a blessing but my dad, Allen and I ate at some stupid Chinese restaurant for Thanksgiving that year! It was the worst Thanksgiving ever. Luckily, her stroke was a mini stroke and wasn't too bad. But it scared the crap out of my family. The theory is that Mama Ruth is continuing to have these little mini strokes.The strokes are causing her to have dementia. She is getting worse every day.
There are days she talks to her kids like she doesn't know who they are. She can't remember things as well and sometimes she just stares into space. But then there are other days, she's the same ole feisty Mama Ruth.
Mama Ruth can't drive anymore and we don't let her cook. We have to make sure she takes her million pills every day and many days we have to make sure she eats.
All this mini strokes are going to lead to a real stroke one day. And a real stroke is not going to be good news for her. Both of my uncles died from strokes.....and they died within the last 2-3 years. Their death was really hard on Mama Ruth. I think her getting worse is partly because of that. She lost two of her brothers within a very short time, plus her sister-in-law.
Anyway, my family is looking at having to consider options for her and by options I mean, either putting her somewhere or figuring out a way for someone to be with her all the time. I'm pretty sure the latter will be our choice. Mama Ruth would kill us if we put her in one of those nursing homes. But anyway, Mama Ruth is slipping away from us and it is killing me.
I'm losing my grandmother and my mother all at once.
I can't imagine her being completely gone. But it's inevitable that one day, it will happen.
I hope that day is a long ways away.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Answers for Devin
Having a sick kid is so hard. It's one of those things you just can't put into words.
Devin has been home now for 6 weeks. Every day, he seems to be getting better. But it also seems to be that after several really great days with him, something else happens and we take a step backwards in his progress. The problem is we STILL don't really know what the heck is going on.
While Devin was in the hospital, we got very few answers as to what was happening. At first, it was fluid on his lungs or his lungs were underdeveloped. The doctor even considered whether Devin was born premature! UMMM He was 10 freaking pounds. I was one day away from being 40 weeks when he was born so even if they got my date off some, there is no way in God's green earth he was premature. If I wasn't so emotionally unstable and drugged up when all this was happening, I'm pretty sure I would have laughed when the doctor suggested it. Anyway, they moved on from that and said he had that tachypnea thing, which a lot of newborns have when born. Typically, though it goes away in a few days. Devin's didn't so the confusion continued. Eventually, the doctor just stuck with fluid on the lungs which could have been from underdeveloped lungs, which we still don't know why that occurred, or it could be that Devin maybe had pneumonia. Either way, when we walked out of that hospital, we still didn't know exactly what had happened. All we knew is he said that Devin's breathing was significantly better and the doctor said we could go home.
Anyway, though the doctors seemed to focus on Devin's breathing issues, he also had some stomach issues that we had to deal with while in the hospital. His formula was switched 3 times. We are now on this Soy Enfamil formula. It's supposed to be easier on his stomach. Devin also had the nipple on his bottled changed at least 4 times. All this was because of his stomach issues. Eventually, he was put on acid reflux medicine. He is still on that.
Devin isn't really having the breathing issues anymore and we are thankful for that. However, he is still having some digestive, stomach issues. That is what we are still seeing that concerns us.
Devin is actually choking and gagging. Most of the time it happens randomnly and not even while he's eating. He'll start coughing and basically stops breathing for a bit. It's the scariest thing in the world. We thought he was getting better because we haven't seen it in a while but last night, it happened again. Twice.
I have no idea what is happening to my little boy. I just know that he's the most unhappiest baby in the universe. He cries a lot and he seems to always be so irritable. That in itself has been bad enough. But now, seeing that he's still having the choking thing going on terrifies me. So, we are moving forward with our plans to get a second opinion.
I hate to have to put Devin through more doctors but he's not getting better and it sucks to not know exactly what is going on. I'm not even sure it is acid reflux but I really don't know. That's the hardest part. But we've delayed going somewhere else long enough. And now, it's time we get some answers.
Devin has been home now for 6 weeks. Every day, he seems to be getting better. But it also seems to be that after several really great days with him, something else happens and we take a step backwards in his progress. The problem is we STILL don't really know what the heck is going on.
While Devin was in the hospital, we got very few answers as to what was happening. At first, it was fluid on his lungs or his lungs were underdeveloped. The doctor even considered whether Devin was born premature! UMMM He was 10 freaking pounds. I was one day away from being 40 weeks when he was born so even if they got my date off some, there is no way in God's green earth he was premature. If I wasn't so emotionally unstable and drugged up when all this was happening, I'm pretty sure I would have laughed when the doctor suggested it. Anyway, they moved on from that and said he had that tachypnea thing, which a lot of newborns have when born. Typically, though it goes away in a few days. Devin's didn't so the confusion continued. Eventually, the doctor just stuck with fluid on the lungs which could have been from underdeveloped lungs, which we still don't know why that occurred, or it could be that Devin maybe had pneumonia. Either way, when we walked out of that hospital, we still didn't know exactly what had happened. All we knew is he said that Devin's breathing was significantly better and the doctor said we could go home.
Anyway, though the doctors seemed to focus on Devin's breathing issues, he also had some stomach issues that we had to deal with while in the hospital. His formula was switched 3 times. We are now on this Soy Enfamil formula. It's supposed to be easier on his stomach. Devin also had the nipple on his bottled changed at least 4 times. All this was because of his stomach issues. Eventually, he was put on acid reflux medicine. He is still on that.
Devin isn't really having the breathing issues anymore and we are thankful for that. However, he is still having some digestive, stomach issues. That is what we are still seeing that concerns us.
Devin is actually choking and gagging. Most of the time it happens randomnly and not even while he's eating. He'll start coughing and basically stops breathing for a bit. It's the scariest thing in the world. We thought he was getting better because we haven't seen it in a while but last night, it happened again. Twice.
I have no idea what is happening to my little boy. I just know that he's the most unhappiest baby in the universe. He cries a lot and he seems to always be so irritable. That in itself has been bad enough. But now, seeing that he's still having the choking thing going on terrifies me. So, we are moving forward with our plans to get a second opinion.
I hate to have to put Devin through more doctors but he's not getting better and it sucks to not know exactly what is going on. I'm not even sure it is acid reflux but I really don't know. That's the hardest part. But we've delayed going somewhere else long enough. And now, it's time we get some answers.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Back to the Grind
So I am now in my third full week back at work. Unfortunately, because Allen stays home with the kids and I work, I wasn't able to take as much time off as I would have liked, especially considering everything that happened.
So just a week and a few days after my appendix surgery, I came on back to the office and on my first day back, covered an 8 hour retreat. Fun stuff!
Things have been crazy at home. It's very stressful right now, readjusting to our new lives. Corbin is adjusting okay but he's very clingy now and has not been sleeping well so many nights, he ends up in our beds.
Unfortunately, with everything that went on, we lived in hotels and then at my dads and were never home. I'm sure that had an impact on Corbin and his adjustment to our new life has been a little challenging. But Corbin is doing pretty good with his brother so that's good!
On a side note, me being home has given Corbin an epiphany and now he is suddenly a momma's boy so when I get home from work, he is actually happy to see me and wants to be with me. Now that is a great reason to rush home everyday!
Anyway, work has been going well. I've gotten right back into the groove of things but am already working a lot again and I miss my boys a lot. Being a working mom is really hard. I miss my kids and I want to be able to spend more time with them. I'm trying to learn how to savor the moments I do have with them. But it is hard. When I get home at night, I'm exhausted and I just want to sit down and relax. Yet somehow, so far, I'm finding the strength, and time, to play with Corbin and be with Devin too. Now I just have to find time to be with Allen!
So just a week and a few days after my appendix surgery, I came on back to the office and on my first day back, covered an 8 hour retreat. Fun stuff!
Things have been crazy at home. It's very stressful right now, readjusting to our new lives. Corbin is adjusting okay but he's very clingy now and has not been sleeping well so many nights, he ends up in our beds.
Unfortunately, with everything that went on, we lived in hotels and then at my dads and were never home. I'm sure that had an impact on Corbin and his adjustment to our new life has been a little challenging. But Corbin is doing pretty good with his brother so that's good!
On a side note, me being home has given Corbin an epiphany and now he is suddenly a momma's boy so when I get home from work, he is actually happy to see me and wants to be with me. Now that is a great reason to rush home everyday!
Anyway, work has been going well. I've gotten right back into the groove of things but am already working a lot again and I miss my boys a lot. Being a working mom is really hard. I miss my kids and I want to be able to spend more time with them. I'm trying to learn how to savor the moments I do have with them. But it is hard. When I get home at night, I'm exhausted and I just want to sit down and relax. Yet somehow, so far, I'm finding the strength, and time, to play with Corbin and be with Devin too. Now I just have to find time to be with Allen!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Appendicitis
So, just as we were getting settled into our new life with two kids, we had another round of fun to deal with.
We were packing up and getting ready to go to Bethel when I started to have some pains in my right side. The pains would move into my stomach and back area and started off as just minor pains. I just assumed I was having some pains from my c-section because I had been overdoing it a bit. As we drove to Bethel, the pain increased and after we got to Bethel, we ate dinner and Allen took Corbin to his parents house for a visit. He, of course, left his phone at my dads. I started to hurt really bad and started to wonder if I had hurt myself. My grandmother had come over so I gave Devin to her and I tried to walk around some to see if that would help. Then I'd sit down and try it again. The pain got worse and worse as time went on. Devin, of course, started to become irritable and I had to deal with him while also trying to ignore the pain.
Eventually, I let my grandma have Devin back and I went and laid down. I tried to call Allen to tell him something was wrong but he didn't have his phone. My aunt came over later and she helped with Devin so I was able to go and lay down some more. The pain got so bad, I started throwing up. I finally got up with Allen by texting his mom. By the time Allen came back, I was in so much pain, I was in tears. I took a super hot bath and threw up again and then laid down. Allen finally decided I was going to the hospital and I, being the stubborn person I am, refused.
Allen's sister is a CNA and he asked her to come look at me. When she came over she said I could have busted a stitch around my uterus area. OR, she said, it could be my appendix. Either way, I needed to go to the hospital to be looked at. I refused again but then Allen said if it was my appendix, it could rupture and I could die. So okay, I finally decided I'd go to the hospital. But I wasn't happy about it.
Because we were in Bethel, I went to Greenville. But my dad had to take me because we couldn't leave Devin. With his issues, we aren't really comfortable leaving him alone with people yet. There are just way too many things going on with him so Allen had to stay home with him, which sucked. But, my dad went and that was okay too. My aunt and grandma stayed with Allen to help him.
It was around 11 p.m. by the time we got to the hospital. The pain pill was finally kicking in and I wasn't hurting quite as bad. I was fully prepared for the doctors to make me feel like an idiot and tell me nothing was wrong and send me home.
Instead, they did a million tests on me, including a CT Scan. The next morning, I was informed that I had an appendicitis and the surgery team was preparing to take me back to take out my appendix. I was not thrilled.
So, after the surgery team met, I was told that because of my c-section, my woman parts inside may still be swollen some and may pose a problem for the surgery. Instead of doing the easy, laproscopic surgery, where they just poke little holes in my belly, they may have to actually cut me open. But, they wouldn't know until they cut the first little hole and stuck the camera in and looked. Of course, they also went over all the risks associated with surgery, which always terrifies a person. I was scared enough.
You see, I've never been to the hospital unless it involved a baby. SO this was a new adventure for me and I did not like it.
I cried the whole time I was being wheeled back to the prep room. Allen wasn't there, my dad had left and I felt so alone. I cried pretty much until I crawled on the operating table. That's the last thing I remember.
After that, I was apparently drugged up and knocked out. I woke up in a room with a nurse standing over me. My other aunt was sitting next to me. I don't remember much about any of the surgery. When I woke up again, Allen and Devin were there. That, of course, really woke up. I ate some chicken broth, crackers and drank something and the nurse told me if I could get up and go to the bathroom and walk around, I could go home. So that is exactly what I did. I was on my way back to Bethel just a few hours after surgery.
I was really, really sore for a few days. But it's been two weeks and aside from the occasion tenderness around the four holes/incisions in my belly, I feel pretty dag-on good, especially considering I've had two surgeries on my stomach area within a month.
I think having kids around speeds up recovery times. I know for me it did and although I would have loved to have laid around and rested, I didn't get to do a lot of that. Instead, I chased around a 19 month old and comforted a screaming newborn. And I also comforted my husband, who was about to have a mental breakdown with everything going.
I'm glad things are somewhat back to normal now. I've went to all my final checkups and all the doctor's said I'm doing A-Okay and for that, I am grateful.
We were packing up and getting ready to go to Bethel when I started to have some pains in my right side. The pains would move into my stomach and back area and started off as just minor pains. I just assumed I was having some pains from my c-section because I had been overdoing it a bit. As we drove to Bethel, the pain increased and after we got to Bethel, we ate dinner and Allen took Corbin to his parents house for a visit. He, of course, left his phone at my dads. I started to hurt really bad and started to wonder if I had hurt myself. My grandmother had come over so I gave Devin to her and I tried to walk around some to see if that would help. Then I'd sit down and try it again. The pain got worse and worse as time went on. Devin, of course, started to become irritable and I had to deal with him while also trying to ignore the pain.
Eventually, I let my grandma have Devin back and I went and laid down. I tried to call Allen to tell him something was wrong but he didn't have his phone. My aunt came over later and she helped with Devin so I was able to go and lay down some more. The pain got so bad, I started throwing up. I finally got up with Allen by texting his mom. By the time Allen came back, I was in so much pain, I was in tears. I took a super hot bath and threw up again and then laid down. Allen finally decided I was going to the hospital and I, being the stubborn person I am, refused.
Allen's sister is a CNA and he asked her to come look at me. When she came over she said I could have busted a stitch around my uterus area. OR, she said, it could be my appendix. Either way, I needed to go to the hospital to be looked at. I refused again but then Allen said if it was my appendix, it could rupture and I could die. So okay, I finally decided I'd go to the hospital. But I wasn't happy about it.
Because we were in Bethel, I went to Greenville. But my dad had to take me because we couldn't leave Devin. With his issues, we aren't really comfortable leaving him alone with people yet. There are just way too many things going on with him so Allen had to stay home with him, which sucked. But, my dad went and that was okay too. My aunt and grandma stayed with Allen to help him.
It was around 11 p.m. by the time we got to the hospital. The pain pill was finally kicking in and I wasn't hurting quite as bad. I was fully prepared for the doctors to make me feel like an idiot and tell me nothing was wrong and send me home.
Instead, they did a million tests on me, including a CT Scan. The next morning, I was informed that I had an appendicitis and the surgery team was preparing to take me back to take out my appendix. I was not thrilled.
So, after the surgery team met, I was told that because of my c-section, my woman parts inside may still be swollen some and may pose a problem for the surgery. Instead of doing the easy, laproscopic surgery, where they just poke little holes in my belly, they may have to actually cut me open. But, they wouldn't know until they cut the first little hole and stuck the camera in and looked. Of course, they also went over all the risks associated with surgery, which always terrifies a person. I was scared enough.
You see, I've never been to the hospital unless it involved a baby. SO this was a new adventure for me and I did not like it.
I cried the whole time I was being wheeled back to the prep room. Allen wasn't there, my dad had left and I felt so alone. I cried pretty much until I crawled on the operating table. That's the last thing I remember.
After that, I was apparently drugged up and knocked out. I woke up in a room with a nurse standing over me. My other aunt was sitting next to me. I don't remember much about any of the surgery. When I woke up again, Allen and Devin were there. That, of course, really woke up. I ate some chicken broth, crackers and drank something and the nurse told me if I could get up and go to the bathroom and walk around, I could go home. So that is exactly what I did. I was on my way back to Bethel just a few hours after surgery.
I was really, really sore for a few days. But it's been two weeks and aside from the occasion tenderness around the four holes/incisions in my belly, I feel pretty dag-on good, especially considering I've had two surgeries on my stomach area within a month.
I think having kids around speeds up recovery times. I know for me it did and although I would have loved to have laid around and rested, I didn't get to do a lot of that. Instead, I chased around a 19 month old and comforted a screaming newborn. And I also comforted my husband, who was about to have a mental breakdown with everything going.
I'm glad things are somewhat back to normal now. I've went to all my final checkups and all the doctor's said I'm doing A-Okay and for that, I am grateful.
Blessed
When you are going through things, you really find out how blessed you are.
Allen and I were fortunate to have dozens of people that did things for us while we were back and forth from the hospital. The kindness was so appreciated and really did mean a lot to both of us. People did all sorts of things for us, from paying for hotel rooms for us so that we could stay close to Devin but also be with Corbin to feeding us to sending us gift cards to help with things we needed. And, when needed, we always had people willing to help with Corbin. People sent us cards telling us they were thinking of us and praying for us. We were on several prayer lists at churches. And, let me tell you, we felt the prayers and I believe they helped.
This was a very challenging time for my family but our friends and family made it so much easier by being there for us and doing things that made our life easier.
Allen and I were fortunate to have dozens of people that did things for us while we were back and forth from the hospital. The kindness was so appreciated and really did mean a lot to both of us. People did all sorts of things for us, from paying for hotel rooms for us so that we could stay close to Devin but also be with Corbin to feeding us to sending us gift cards to help with things we needed. And, when needed, we always had people willing to help with Corbin. People sent us cards telling us they were thinking of us and praying for us. We were on several prayer lists at churches. And, let me tell you, we felt the prayers and I believe they helped.
This was a very challenging time for my family but our friends and family made it so much easier by being there for us and doing things that made our life easier.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
C-section fun
So, my c-section with Corbin was a little more traumatic than the one with Devin. And for that, I am thankful.
With Corbin, I went through a gazillion hours of labor only to have to have a c-section. Because technically, I went through both forms of labor, I had a really tough recovery. Then, I ended up with an infection in my incision. That was pure hell to endure, far worse than the labor itself! So this time around, I was terrified of an infection.
My incision healed nicely this time though. I did begin to have some redness around it that freaked me out but turns out I'm allergic to this glue stuff that put around my incision to hold the little strips on it. I was given some meds for that and just in case, given some meds for an infection. Turns out, it was the same medication I was given last time that I had an allergic reaction to!! I wore this GIANT PINK ARMBAND that stated I had an allergy. I was asked probably 10 times prior to my surgery if I had any allergies and if so what they were. I told them 100 times I was allergic to the meds and still, they prescribed that stupid medication! GRRR.
But other than that mess, I did good with the recovery this time. Part of my miraculous recovery was because my little boy was admitted in the hospital in a special unit. To actually be able to see him, I had to get my tail out of the hospital bed and walk 100 miles to that unit. I had Devin on a Friday morning. Friday night, he was taken and by Saturday morning they had admitted him. Saturday morning they told me about his issues and also told me I could "try" to get up and start walking around some. It's amazing really how I was able to get out of bed and move when I found out something was wrong with Devin. I didn't walk down there the first time. I was rolled in a wheelchair but I did walk into the unit, with help from Allen. The second time I was rolled down in a wheelchair but I refused to be wheeled back and I walked my butt back to my room. I was determined I was going to heal super fast so I could spend every minute with Devin. And I did. Of course, I had some help from friends. Their names were Percocet and some other drug that started with a "T."
I spent as much time as I could with Devin. It got to a point that when he slept, I'd go back to the room to rest and they started to actually call me in my room and tell me Devin was awake so I could come visit and feed him. I'd try to drug up when I'd be going down there so I'd feel okay to make it back.
My doctor let me stay an extra night in the hospital, using the whole allergy thing as an excuse to justify it. The purpose was so I could be closer to Devin. At that point, we thought he would go home that next day. He didn't but I was discharged. The worst feeling in the world is to go the hospital, give birth to a kid and be discharged from the hospital and be rolled out of the facility without your kid. I cried the whole time. Even the poor little nurse cried. I did not do well emotionally during that time. Of course, I don't handle anything traumatic well emotionally.
But anyway, we are all done with this pregnancy and hopefully we can put everything behind us. I'm just thankful I didn't have to go through the whole infection deal again.
With Corbin, I went through a gazillion hours of labor only to have to have a c-section. Because technically, I went through both forms of labor, I had a really tough recovery. Then, I ended up with an infection in my incision. That was pure hell to endure, far worse than the labor itself! So this time around, I was terrified of an infection.
My incision healed nicely this time though. I did begin to have some redness around it that freaked me out but turns out I'm allergic to this glue stuff that put around my incision to hold the little strips on it. I was given some meds for that and just in case, given some meds for an infection. Turns out, it was the same medication I was given last time that I had an allergic reaction to!! I wore this GIANT PINK ARMBAND that stated I had an allergy. I was asked probably 10 times prior to my surgery if I had any allergies and if so what they were. I told them 100 times I was allergic to the meds and still, they prescribed that stupid medication! GRRR.
But other than that mess, I did good with the recovery this time. Part of my miraculous recovery was because my little boy was admitted in the hospital in a special unit. To actually be able to see him, I had to get my tail out of the hospital bed and walk 100 miles to that unit. I had Devin on a Friday morning. Friday night, he was taken and by Saturday morning they had admitted him. Saturday morning they told me about his issues and also told me I could "try" to get up and start walking around some. It's amazing really how I was able to get out of bed and move when I found out something was wrong with Devin. I didn't walk down there the first time. I was rolled in a wheelchair but I did walk into the unit, with help from Allen. The second time I was rolled down in a wheelchair but I refused to be wheeled back and I walked my butt back to my room. I was determined I was going to heal super fast so I could spend every minute with Devin. And I did. Of course, I had some help from friends. Their names were Percocet and some other drug that started with a "T."
I spent as much time as I could with Devin. It got to a point that when he slept, I'd go back to the room to rest and they started to actually call me in my room and tell me Devin was awake so I could come visit and feed him. I'd try to drug up when I'd be going down there so I'd feel okay to make it back.
My doctor let me stay an extra night in the hospital, using the whole allergy thing as an excuse to justify it. The purpose was so I could be closer to Devin. At that point, we thought he would go home that next day. He didn't but I was discharged. The worst feeling in the world is to go the hospital, give birth to a kid and be discharged from the hospital and be rolled out of the facility without your kid. I cried the whole time. Even the poor little nurse cried. I did not do well emotionally during that time. Of course, I don't handle anything traumatic well emotionally.
But anyway, we are all done with this pregnancy and hopefully we can put everything behind us. I'm just thankful I didn't have to go through the whole infection deal again.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Devin's arrival
Well, it's been a while and a lot has happened since my last post. Let's just say, December 21st did not go as I had planned. It'll take me several blog posts to post everything!
Baby Devin did, in fact, wait until the 21st to make his arrival. And, although I was about to die before he came, I am so thankful he waited.
Devin was born at 8:18 a.m. on Friday, December 21. My scheduled c-section was set for 7:30 a.m. and I had to be there at 5:45. We got NO sleep that night so we were exhausted by the time we got to the hospital. Because I was not actually in labor, I had started to think about things way too much and my nerves were extremely messed up by the time I got in my little butt showing hospital gown. I kept thinking about how I was getting ready to get my stomach cut wide open and when you aren't in extreme agony from labor, that is a little scary. With Corbin, after over 40 hours of pain from labor, they could have cut my head open and I wouldn't have cared. Oh yeah, and as a side note, I woke up at 3:30 that morning throwing up. Yep, I can officially say that I barfed the entire 9 months of pregnancy. Thanks Devin!
Anyway, they started by doing all the IV's and stuff like that. Then came the epidural. They tried to give me an epidural but couldn't get it to work so after poking me 100 times in my spine, they gave up and decided to do a spinal tap thing. It's basically the same as an epidural but it doesn't last as long. But the failed epidural attempt had me all freaking out and towards the end, I was literally shaking. My whole entire body was shivering like a drug addict who hadn't had a fix in a few hours. The IV took about 3 tries too. So by the time I was wheeled back into the operating room, I was a mess. I was shaking so bad during the spinal thing, they had to cover me with blanket things and sort of hold me down. Then, I started gagging. Yep, Devin had me about to barf literally minutes before he was born. He's cool like that.
They started the surgery around 8 a.m. and he was taken less than 20 minutes later. I couldn't feel a thing and it was the strangest thing ever. But anyway, Devin was a gigantic baby. He was a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces. I remember hearing someone say he was a big one and then a bunch of people congratulated Allen and I and then I saw him. He was a big boy! And I was in love! He favored Corbin a lot when he was a baby, just a giant version of him!
Initially, Devin appeared to be the picture of health. He was checked out by doctors and given a clean bill of health. A few hours later, he was brought to the room. A few hours after that, he was taken to the nursery for a photo and a shot. He was never brought back.
My nurse, who took him to the nursery, discovered him breathing a little irregular and had the doctor check him out. In the end, he was admitted to the hospital's special care unit for babies for observation. Devin was breathing really fast, which is something that sometimes happens in newborn babies. It's call tachypnea. Sometimes babies, especially ones born via a c-section, may have fluid on their lungs. It's something about the squeeze they get during a vaginal birth helps get the fluid out or something. But anyway, it's supposedly not something to be concerned about and is supposed to go away in a few days.
Devin's, however, did not. The doctor tossed around several possibilities. One was that his lungs were underdeveloped which was causing his breathing issues. Typically that comes from being born early. Since Devin was born one day from me being 40 weeks, he wasn't early and he was 10 pounds so he couldn't have been premature. The doctor said the fluid on his lungs could also just be taking longer to go away than is normal. And finally, he could have had a early case of pneumonia. Whatever it was, Devin initially didn't get better. He was so bad at one point, he couldn't be fed and a feeding tube had to be put in. When you are breathing super fast, you are unable to eat because you could asphyxiate (which is a fancy word for choke).
Devin eventually had oxygen given to him in addition to the feeding tube as well as an IV put in. The hardest thing about the whole experience was seeing my little boy hooked up to all those monitors and tubes and not being able to do anything to make him better. It was heartbreaking. He didn't like it either. At one point, he took his little baby arms and flung them at the tubes and ripped out his feeding tube and oxygen. He was able to keep the feeding tube out but they put the oxygen back in. He kept that in for several days but eventually, he was able to leave that out as well.
Devin ended up staying in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. It was a horrible 2 weeks for Allen and I. We were in the hospital for Christmas and New Years. Most of our stay was filled with confusion. We didn't have a lot of answers about what was going on and we still don't have a lot of answers. There were a lot of things that were bounced around as possibilities but we were never given a definite.
So although we are home, we are still not at ease with things. Devin is doing much better and has adjusted to home life very well. But, we are still seeing things going on that concern us. Devin is on medication for acid reflux and from the research I've done, severe acid reflux can cause respiratory issues. So, I'm starting to wonder if maybe his reflux issues are severe enough that maybe there is a connection between that and his breathing issues. We are working towards getting a second opinion and hopefully in doing that, we'll get more answers.
Baby Devin did, in fact, wait until the 21st to make his arrival. And, although I was about to die before he came, I am so thankful he waited.
Devin was born at 8:18 a.m. on Friday, December 21. My scheduled c-section was set for 7:30 a.m. and I had to be there at 5:45. We got NO sleep that night so we were exhausted by the time we got to the hospital. Because I was not actually in labor, I had started to think about things way too much and my nerves were extremely messed up by the time I got in my little butt showing hospital gown. I kept thinking about how I was getting ready to get my stomach cut wide open and when you aren't in extreme agony from labor, that is a little scary. With Corbin, after over 40 hours of pain from labor, they could have cut my head open and I wouldn't have cared. Oh yeah, and as a side note, I woke up at 3:30 that morning throwing up. Yep, I can officially say that I barfed the entire 9 months of pregnancy. Thanks Devin!
Anyway, they started by doing all the IV's and stuff like that. Then came the epidural. They tried to give me an epidural but couldn't get it to work so after poking me 100 times in my spine, they gave up and decided to do a spinal tap thing. It's basically the same as an epidural but it doesn't last as long. But the failed epidural attempt had me all freaking out and towards the end, I was literally shaking. My whole entire body was shivering like a drug addict who hadn't had a fix in a few hours. The IV took about 3 tries too. So by the time I was wheeled back into the operating room, I was a mess. I was shaking so bad during the spinal thing, they had to cover me with blanket things and sort of hold me down. Then, I started gagging. Yep, Devin had me about to barf literally minutes before he was born. He's cool like that.
They started the surgery around 8 a.m. and he was taken less than 20 minutes later. I couldn't feel a thing and it was the strangest thing ever. But anyway, Devin was a gigantic baby. He was a whopping 10 pounds, 2 ounces. I remember hearing someone say he was a big one and then a bunch of people congratulated Allen and I and then I saw him. He was a big boy! And I was in love! He favored Corbin a lot when he was a baby, just a giant version of him!
Initially, Devin appeared to be the picture of health. He was checked out by doctors and given a clean bill of health. A few hours later, he was brought to the room. A few hours after that, he was taken to the nursery for a photo and a shot. He was never brought back.
My nurse, who took him to the nursery, discovered him breathing a little irregular and had the doctor check him out. In the end, he was admitted to the hospital's special care unit for babies for observation. Devin was breathing really fast, which is something that sometimes happens in newborn babies. It's call tachypnea. Sometimes babies, especially ones born via a c-section, may have fluid on their lungs. It's something about the squeeze they get during a vaginal birth helps get the fluid out or something. But anyway, it's supposedly not something to be concerned about and is supposed to go away in a few days.
Devin's, however, did not. The doctor tossed around several possibilities. One was that his lungs were underdeveloped which was causing his breathing issues. Typically that comes from being born early. Since Devin was born one day from me being 40 weeks, he wasn't early and he was 10 pounds so he couldn't have been premature. The doctor said the fluid on his lungs could also just be taking longer to go away than is normal. And finally, he could have had a early case of pneumonia. Whatever it was, Devin initially didn't get better. He was so bad at one point, he couldn't be fed and a feeding tube had to be put in. When you are breathing super fast, you are unable to eat because you could asphyxiate (which is a fancy word for choke).
Devin eventually had oxygen given to him in addition to the feeding tube as well as an IV put in. The hardest thing about the whole experience was seeing my little boy hooked up to all those monitors and tubes and not being able to do anything to make him better. It was heartbreaking. He didn't like it either. At one point, he took his little baby arms and flung them at the tubes and ripped out his feeding tube and oxygen. He was able to keep the feeding tube out but they put the oxygen back in. He kept that in for several days but eventually, he was able to leave that out as well.
Devin ended up staying in the hospital for almost 2 weeks. It was a horrible 2 weeks for Allen and I. We were in the hospital for Christmas and New Years. Most of our stay was filled with confusion. We didn't have a lot of answers about what was going on and we still don't have a lot of answers. There were a lot of things that were bounced around as possibilities but we were never given a definite.
So although we are home, we are still not at ease with things. Devin is doing much better and has adjusted to home life very well. But, we are still seeing things going on that concern us. Devin is on medication for acid reflux and from the research I've done, severe acid reflux can cause respiratory issues. So, I'm starting to wonder if maybe his reflux issues are severe enough that maybe there is a connection between that and his breathing issues. We are working towards getting a second opinion and hopefully in doing that, we'll get more answers.
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