Things not going as planned

Well I'm halfway through the week and so far, things haven't exactly gone as planned. I, of course, didn't give blood. I am the biggest wimp ever. Actually, things at work were so crazy I really had a hard time even trying to get away but still, I'm not sure I would have done it anyway. I was completely freaking out it once Monday got here. 

Monday just wasn't a good day. I had a rough day and Jennifer was on my mind a lot. The weekend kind of spurred some things up inside of me and the reality of everything just hit me in the stomach. 

I am off work tomorrow still and although I don't know what we'll do, I am excited just to have a day off from work. I certainly need it. 

But this week instead of being a week of remembering and not mourning, I'm again sitting back and thinking of the life Jennifer should have had. I hate the fact we won't grow old together and have kids and have cookouts with our families. I was so excited about the thought of her and I in the backyard, sitting on the hammock sipping a cold one (Mt. Dew of course), while our husbands cooked hamburgers and hot dogs and the kids played in the back yard. There's no one else I can have that with. It makes me really sad. I guess it's pathetic but I can't help. Two years ago, my best friend was alive and doing great. But two years ago tomorrow, she died just like that and I lost the one person I could count on. It sucks