Still miss you

I imagined the day I found out I was pregnant to be a little different than it was. First, I had always wanted to find out on my own about being pregnant, and then coming up with some clever way to tell Allen. But of course, when you are throwing up all the time and craving apples, it's kind of hard to hide it. So that plan didn't work out. But nonetheless, I wouldn't trade it because I'm glad we found out together. Alone, I may have been tempted to talk to someone else first, to get ideas for how to tell him and then Allen wouldn't have been the first to know and that just doesn't seem right. 

Secondly, Jennifer isn't here to share this with. That sucks. I always imagined us growing old together, having our couple nights, our girl's nights and eventually, our get the kids together nights. I so looked forward to our kids playing together and couldn't wait to see whose kid could beat the other up. I was hoping it was mine, to pay Jennifer back for all those times she bullied me! 

It's sad to think about how she won't be here. I've moved on and have tried not to dwell anymore on her death and all the circumstances surrounding it but I admit, it's still hard. I miss her so much. I need a good friend now more than ever. 

But in other news, we got rid of our foster pup, Nash. Well we didn't "get rid" of him, we found him a forever home. It's bittersweet. I'm going to miss the little guy but feel super great about knowing Allen and I turned him into such a sweet boy and we know he will make his new family so very happy! I managed to get through everything without crying so I feel good about that. I'm happy for Nash and I'm happy that I was able to let go. I'd like to foster another but with a baby on the way, I guess we'll have to take a break.