I have what?

Dang. It's been over two months since I posted on here. But I promise it's not because there hasn't been anything going on. It's more so because I'm too busy, and too tired, to post anything.


I'm not even sure I can remember all that's happened over the past 2 months. But here's a stab at it.....I joined a gym (briefly at least), Corbin beat up his brother, Devin learned to fight back, Corbin got his first karate belt (not for beating up his brother though), Devin started walking, Devin turned one, Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas came and went and here we are.


There's stuff in between as well but I can't remember.

I've had a lot of issues with remembering lately.


Then I noticed I was extremely tired, like more tired than a person should be, even a person with a crazy job and two small kids.


Then I noticed I felt like crap, all the time.


I really didn't think  much of it at first. I thought I had two small kids and I'm overweight so obviously my life is going to exhaust me. I figured I was getting to the burn out point with my job and I was just exhausted, mentally, physically and emotionally.


Then, one day around a month ago, I woke up unable to open and close my hands. Every joint in my body hurt. I was a little freaked out. So, I finally made an appointment with the doctor.


I didn't get to see my actual doctor because he's too busy to ya know, meet with people, so I saw a woman who is an FNP. Not sure what that means but she could order tests and prescribe meds so I was cool with that.

I got all sorts of bloodwork done.  At first, everything pointed an autoimmune disease. My publisher has rheumatoid arthritis and she swore to God that's what I had because my symptoms were the same as hers. I've been having problems with my back and hips and legs for a while. I even went to a chiropractor to see if it would help and it did help some. But it would never go away.

Anyway, the doctor lady called me and informed me that my Vitamin D was low (I guess I need more sunshine) and that I had something called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Uhhh huh? That was my reaction.

What in the heck is that? Well,  it's a real "disease." The internet said so! But she briefly explained it and further explained it in person. The bad news is there is no cure or remedy for it. So, I get to spend the rest of my life feeling like crap. YES!

The extreme exhaustion and all that crap can be managed but I have to manage each symptom separately. But, the memory loss, forgetfulness, inability to focus? Well, it happens and there's not much you can do about it. Of course, if your brain isn't exhausted, your memory loss may not be as severe.

I don't know. It's a weird disease I've never heard of and one I'll probably keep to myself because, who is going to take that seriously? You have what?? Chronic fatigue syndrome? OH yeah I have that too. All women with children have that. hahahahahaha

Grrrr. So, this whole thing has stopped me from going to the gym although I do plan to go back. However, I have to take meds to keep my joints from flaring up and hurting again. But the gym seemed to help me feel better so I am making myself go back.

I'm also being put on medication to help with "depression." Bad things happened last time I was on medication for that so I'm not too keen on having to go through that again. But, I also don't like having emotional breakdowns in front of random people at random times. My job also frowns on that. Reporters are supposed to be heartless, you know. So, I am willing to try the medicine and even the therapy to see if they can "fix me."

I have a family and I'd like to be able to be around them and do things with them without feeling like crap. So, I'll try anything, even if it means taking medication and talking to a stranger about my personal life.

Little Miss Sunshine

Over the past year or two, I've had the pleasure of experiencing adoption. My cousin and her husband adopted a little girl, Janetta.

Janetta has been top secret, until recently. We couldn't post pictures of her on social media. Although she was my cousin's baby girl, technically, she belonged to the government. But, after a year, year and a half, of having Janetta, they were able to make it official on September 20.

It was a big to-do for my family. This is the second adoption we've made official this year! The first was another cousin in Ohio, who had been fostering a little boy for a few years. They were finally able to adopt the little fella. But for Janetta, because she is so close by, and her mom is like a sister to me, I really got to be a part of the process.

The process made me cry, it made me laugh, it made me happy and then on September 20, I did all those things!

Janetta is a special little girl. She was born with some health issues so anyone that was willing to take her on was taking on a challenge. Janetta had to have heart surgery and that, of course, was stressful. She also has down syndrome, which has slowed her development down just a little, though you couldn't tell it. All you can really see on Janetta is a big 'ole smile.

Adoption is a special thing. And it takes special people to not only adopt but to adopt someone with special needs. My cousin, Amy, certainly fits in that category of "special" and even though I'd like to make a joke about her "specialness," I really am serious. Amy is one of those people you become grateful for knowing.

Amy is a very patient, kind and giving person. And she is by far the perfect mother for Janetta. As is Amy's husband, Janetta's father, Jonathan.

God had their little life all mapped out. It was a roller coaster ride but He brought them to Janetta. I think they would say the moment they met her, they fell in love and knew she was their little girl.

Their story amazes me for so many reasons. It amazes me because it truly shows how amazing God is. Their story shows how faith can really move mountains! They almost didn't get Janetta. Our system of adoption sucks! It's a long story and it's one I'm not going to tell because it takes too long. But, Amy and Jonathan, and our entire family, prayed and prayed and prayed. I am not sure I've ever prayed about anything so hard before. But I prayed for them hard and I KNEW, I just knew God would answer our prayers. He had to.

And he did.

And now, Janetta is there's. She's like a little piece of sunshine for our family. We love all the little ones in our family but Janetta, there's just something special about her. I can't imagine anyone more perfect for her than Amy and Jonathan!

Where did 2013 go?

Where in the heck did 2013 go? I am not digging the fact that it's October. Nope, not at all.

From here on out, my life will be psychotically crazy.

Work is crazy this time of year and so is life with little people.

We have Halloween/Fall coming up, which means I have to take the boys to every pumpkin farm within 40 miles of Nash County. 

Halloween is also a busy time for me at the paper because I have to find all the cute little children dressed up as monsters and goblins and get the best pictures ever. I also have to attend all those, or most of the, Fall Festival events all over the county. So I have to seriously balance my personal life with my work life.

 AND, now that Allen has a business, we have to deal with Halloween on that end too. His classes actually fall on Halloween and he's decided to cancel classes and instead participate in Nashville's Halloween events. He'll have a little booth at the park and give out goodies to all the kids. Maybe some will sign up for class. We need like 100 students so we can get our own building!

Since Corbin is in school now, they have little parties and stuff. And this year, Allen volunteered to help with the Halloween party which really means I am helping with the Halloween party! So there's that.


After Halloween is Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is just stressful because we have to balance our lives with both my family and Allen's family and try to have a little bit of family time amongst our little family as well.

Then, there's Devin's FIRST birthday! Oh good grief! I have NO STINKING IDEA what to do for his birthday. Why must he have been born in December?!

We had a pool party for Corbin's first birthday and it was awesome. We did Elmo as the theme and it rocked. But now, with Devin we have to think of something that will accommodate the winter season,  and pick a time frame where people can actually attend. And, I have to plan it all too!

Allen's birthday is the same day as Devin's so I have to think of something for him as well. Ugh!


Then, of course, is Christmas! Even though Devin was born just before Christmas, he was in the hospital on Christmas and had no clue it was Christmas so really this is his first Christmas!

In between all this craziness at home is craziness at work. The holidays are crazy around here. We have the holidays off but that means we have to work extra hard so we CAN have the holidays off.

Let me just say, though, I am THANKFUL I don't have to cover the Black Friday madness. I would rather sit on a safety pin than have to cover that!

 I'm sure in between all this, there's more but I can't think of it. I do know I need to get pictures done of my crew. We haven't had a family picture ever and we've only done pics of the boys once. SO, let's just add that to the list, shall we?

Corbin's first broken heart

Corbin has a broken heart, which means his mama has a broken heart.

One morning this week, we woke up to discover two coyotes roaming around in the pasture behind our house. In our backyard, there were feathers everywhere.

I called for Allen and he went outside and came back in shaking his head. He said there were chicken bodies everywhere. And, he couldn't find Buster.

Buster is Corbin's chicken.

Coyotes, apparently, do not come in and kill their prey to eat. Instead, they come in and just kill, leaving bodies everywhere. But, there were a few bodies missing so I guess they did take some with them.

Buster was apparently one of them.

To be sure, Allen looked everywhere, to at least find a sign of Buster's body.

He looked in all of Buster's hiding spots. She wasn't there.

Later, he found some of her feathers. So, we are pretty sure she is gone.

We lost 8 chickens and two ducks. Most of the chickens that were killed were our egg laying ones. And, they had just started laying eggs. We are left with 9 chickens. 6 of them are meat chickens. One is an egg laying and two are little bantam like chickens. One of the chickens, though, was attacked and we may have to put it down. We'll be making that decision today.

We weren't attached to the chickens. But we were all attached to Buster.

We got Buster around Corbin's first birthday. We actually got two chickens. One was killed fairly early on. For a long, long time, we thought Buster was a boy. That's why we named her Buster! But then she started popping out eggs and fooled us! Anyway, Buster was meant to be a pet for Corbin. She was meant to help teach him responsibility while also giving him his own little pet. He loved Buster. He'd pick her up and carry her around the yard. She didn't even care. He also put her in the little basket underneath the stroller and rode her around. She didn't mind that either.

Buster was special.

Buster got so comfortable with us, she would walk right in the house when we opened the door. Corbin loved it. He'd grab her and run to his room, show her around and have some serious conversations with her. Then, me or Allen would have to go in there and explain to him that chickens can't come in the house and we'd have to take her back out.

Most mornings, the first thing Corbin did was ask to see Buster.

He did that on the morning she was killed. And, we had no idea what to tell him.

He cried and cried and cried. I had to go to work and Allen would let me know how Corbin was doing. "He's still crying, asking for Buster."

Allen eventually told him that Buster went to be with Jesus and thought he'd convinced him.

But the next morning, Corbin asked for Buster again.

We are all sad. Our poor little boy is so heartbroken. We told him we'd get him another chicken but he said he wanted a frog!

I bet he'll end up getting a frog. But I bet we'll still find him another chicken.

But there will definitely never be another Buster.

School

Corbin is officially in school!

It's bittersweet, really. I'm so excited that he's going to a place he can be around other kids and gain a little bit of knowledge, other than what his daddy is teaching him at home. Allen has done a great job prepping him for school though. He already semi knows some numbers and colors but now, he'll be able to learn a little more independence and he needs that badly.

I was all excited about school. I was so ready, until the day got here.

Last week was the worst week I've had in a while. My emotional state of mind was off the charts. If you can test craziness, I would have failed last week. I was, and sorta still am, an emotional blubber of mess right now. Corbin going to school has broken my heart. It means he's growing up and I don't know when all that happened.

I'm proud of him though. The first two days of school were rough. Allen and I both took him the first two days and we walked him to class. He screamed his little head off, to the point, he had me in hysterical tears. The first day, Allen had to practically drag me out of the school. The second day, I refused to walk him IN the classroom. Instead, I stood outside and let Allen walk him in. As Allen left, I could hear Corbin's screams and again, I fell into a fit of crying myself. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me!

The third day, which was the second week (he only goes twice a week), Allen and I both took him but we didn't walk him in. Instead, we dropped him off at the door, as requested, and his teacher came and walked him to class. That went a lot better. Corbin reached his little hand out and grabbed mine and started screaming "mama!!!!" and of course, that sent me into tears as we drove away. Just for the record, Corbin hasn't seen me cry. I've been able to contain myself until after he's gone. Lord knows how hard it would be for him if he saw me crying!

The third day when we picked him up, the teacher said he did much better. He only cried a few seconds and was better.

On the fourth day, I took Corbin to school all by myself. I dropped him off at the door and the teacher came and took him out of the van. He gave me a high five goodbye and as he got to the door, he turned around and waved and said bye! Of course, that too, sent me into tears and as I drove off, I started thinking how much easier it was this time around (for Corbin anyway).

The difference, I believe, is that the last time, Corbin left ME. I didn't leave HIM. So in his little mind, he's all mr. big boy saying bye to me instead of me taking him somewhere and dumping him. Not that significant of a difference really but to him, it is.

So ain't that something!

Anyway, I'm thinking in another week or so, I'll be able to drop him off without me crying! I hope so at least. In the meantime, I am going to have to go on some type of medication to get me through this milestone.

Mirrors in gyms

So, it's been maybe 6 weeks since I started working out and the first thing I will say is that my butt is still the same size as it was 6 weeks ago, as is my stomach and everything else. So, in regards to losing weight, it's not happening.

But, I do feel better when I work out so that's a plus.

Part of the problem is finding the time to go to the gym. My job is demanding and so are my kids. Sometimes it seems I am doing something horrible when I make time for myself to go to the gym. So I'm lucky if I can go 2 times a week.

There's no set time for my gym schedule. I go when I can. Sometimes that's early in the morning. Sometimes it's on my lunch break and other times, it's after work. I go when I can.

I try to go when no one else is there because I'm self conscious and I do not want people look at my jiggly body parts when I'm exercising.

This week, I was all alone and I felt pretty good about my little 11 minute walk on the treadmill. At the five minute mark, the treadmill speeds up for 2 whole minutes and I'm at a very super fast walk. This time, I decided that since I was alone and no one could see me if I went flying off the treadmill, I'd do a little jog. And that's what I did. I started jogging and I jogged for a whole minute and a half. Then I noticed the mirror directly in front of me and I stopped.

So, I got to thinking, who the heck puts mirrors in gyms? And WHY? Who wants to look at themselves working out?? I sure don't! It's disgusting and it doesn't do much to motivate me.

I've always hated mirrors. They freak me out. When I was young girl, someone told me that bloody mary story. If you haven't heart of it, you look in a mirror and say "Bloody Mary" three times and something really scary happens. Bloody Mary has traumatized me for life! Bloody Mary and that Devil Went Down to Georgia Song. If you want to make me scream like a little sissy girl, those two will do it. Seriously.

So any mirror that is large in size is my enemy and I do not like it. But not only that factor, the whole watching yourself work out is just weird to me. I don't understand how even the most in shape, skinniest person in America would want to see themselves work out. I am pretty sure I make some awesome faces when I am lifting weights. So no thanks on sticking a mirror in front of my face while I try to rid my body of fat rolls.

Kids and working out

I haven't posted anything in two months. But it's not because I haven't had anything to talk about. I struggle with this blog. Most of the time, I find it pointless. I'm not exactly sharing wisdom on here for the world to see. Instead, this is the place I go to and vent, to get things off my chest with hopes that it will make me feel better. So far, it hasn't worked.

But anyway, I have plenty of things I need to get off my chest but I don't have the energy, really, to do it here, on this site.

But I do love talking about my kids. They are pretty awesome. Corbin is turning into an interesting little fella. And Devin, well he likes to eat and that bothers me. I don't want him to be fat like his mom.

Speaking of fat, I recently started working out. It's been an interesting 3 weeks but so car, I've done okay.I could be doing better but of course, I could be doing worse too. I find myself slowly starting to feel better too. I'm not really eating all that great yet but I am working towards that.

I have no idea HOW to eat healthy. I grew up eating fried chicken and thinking if I had a vegetable with my chicken, I was eating healthy. I grew up on soda and sweet tea. So I have a lot of work to do on that end. But, I am at least working out now.

I hope that I can get in better shape for my kids. But it took me looking in a mirror, really looking, and deciding that this was something I needed to do and until I wanted to do it for ME, I'd never be successful at it. So, although my kids and my husband are my motivation, I am doing this for myself.

I have felt like crap for probably the past 5 years. I'm sure being overweight has something to do with it. And of course, I can't help but think my horrible pregnancy and Devin being sick could have had something to do with my weight. It kills me to think my unhealthy lifestyle could impact my child forever. The first thing the doctor told me after Devin was born and got sick was that it wasn't my fault. He must have knew what I was thinking. I wonder if he knew I didn't believe him. I've blamed myself ever since. I'm thankful Devin is, for the most part, better.

This past weekend, we took our first vacation with two kids. We had a blast! I enjoyed it, which honestly was surprising. I thought it would be very stressful. But, it wasn't and I'm so glad. But our trip required some endurance because we went to the beach and carrying a 20-pound kid up a sandy hill to the beach is no easy feat. I almost died. BUT I didn't, which means my workout is actually working! Though my legs burned, I wasn't out of breath afterwards. So after only 3 weeks of working out, I could tell it's working. I can't wait to work out. It's not fun but it's something I do knowing it's making me healthier and adding years on to my life. And the longer I live, the longer I can embarrass my kids!