I've just had no desire to write. It's getting harder and harder for me to sit down and craft words into something. It's a scary feeling. It's affecting my job a lot. I sit and stare at the screen for hours trying to write one story when used to, I could pop one out just like that. I don't know what to do about it.
Anyway, Jennifer's scholarship is at a standstill, again. I don't know what to do about that either. I'm a little disappointed that out of everyone that knew Jennifer and thought the world of her, no one is giving anything to her scholarship fund. I know times are tight but even $20 would be better than nothing and there are some people that I know can afford it. It would really suck for this scholarship not to get anywhere. But I'm determined and I won't give up until the $25,000 is raised. I just need to get my focus back,I guess, and start worrying the crap out of people. I guess that's what it's going to take.
I've been trying to find a hobby but so far, have not come up with anything. I've been really lonely lately. Allen is never home anymore. A lot of times, I don't even feel like I'm married. He lives away during the week and lately he's been staying some of the weekend too so I see him maybe 3 nights a week. That's not what I signed up for. I am SO happy he's working now but can't deal with this living apart mess for much longer. Hopefully we'll soon work it out. I feel like I've spent more of our married life apart than together. So I've been trying to find things to do to keep my nights occupied and my mind off of the loneliness. I'm trying hard not to fall in a rut and it's hard. I have no one to talk to and that makes it even harder. It's on these lonely nights that I find myself needing a friend and then realize that my one, true friend is gone. It's still hard to fathom. But I can't find anything that interests me enough to stick with it. I've got all this stuff to start scrapbooking but my creative side is just not there. I'm not interested in sewing or knitting or stuff like that. I'm hoping something will come along soon.
But until then, I've learned to plop myself in front of the tv and stay there until bedtime.
