Finally on the ball

Well, I finally did it. I emailed the ECU Scholarship woman again and she immediately responded and then we talked on the phone and wham, just like that, we were rolling. Perseverance paid off. I'm glad I didn't give up. Now, I can finally do something productive to honor and remember Jennifer. I think she would have been tickled to death to know a scholarship was in her name. And to think, it will help fund someone's education. I hope that I can raise enough money. I want this to be the best scholarship ever, not some puny little scholarship. I'm hoping to raise so much money that I will shock ECU. I have to at least raise $5,000. I almost laughed when she asked if I thought I could raise that much. She doesn't know Jennifer. I'm hoping that all the people that Jennifer touched in her lifetime, which is a lot, will remember her and help get this going. 

I'm thankful God didn't give up on me and continued to push me to do this. Now if he'll just stay with me and continue to push me so that I can raise the money and not give up. 

Catching up...

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I just haven't had a lot of motivation lately. It's been hell just trying to get out my stories for the newspaper. I just haven't wanted to write. This month has been hard for me for some reason. 

It doesn't really represent much so I don't know why April, as opposed to any other month, has been so hard on me. But I've really missed Jennifer this month. I wish I could say why. I think it may be that I just miss having a friend to talk to, someone I can confide in. Sometimes a person just needs to vent and get it all out to be okay. In two years, I haven't had anyone to vent to. So all my emotions are all bottled up and it sucks. But I've spent most of my life keeping most of my feelings to myself so I suppose it shouldn't be that difficult to maintain. 

I know that I'll be okay but I just feel like running away sometimes. I just need a break, a vacation. I just want to run away to some far away place where no one can reach me so I can be alone and vent to myself. I imagine it would probably do me a lot of good. But I've got responsibilities that just can't be left behind so that will remain a crazy dream of mine. 

Other that the misery of things, there has been some good things going on. Recently, my BPW club voted for me to be the Vice President, which is kinda cool. I've gotten involved in several organizations since I moved here and I've enjoyed being a part of something. Allen and I were also voted into a Ruritan Club which is cool. I'm excited about being a part of something that makes a difference. It'll give me the opportunity to get involved and meet new people and make some acquaintances, which is something I really need right now. I think Jennifer would be proud. 

Higher education and stuff..

It's hard to believe April is here. I've had a really hard time coming back here and posting stuff. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just don't want to say it. 

But anyway, Allen and I celebrated our five-year anniversary last week and it was, well just another day. I did take the day off and Allen took the weekend off and we just hung out. We didn't do anything special, which kind of sucked but on the same token, it was nice to not have anything to do. 

I've been trying to get my brain wrapped around all the things I want to get done in my life. Last night I watched High School Musical 3. Yeah I know, it's odd for a 28-year-old to watch a teeny bopper show but there has been so much hype about that show, I had to see what it was all about so I rented the first and second and now of course, I couldn't just sit around and not see how it all ended. Anyway, it made me realize how much I've screwed my life up. I went to college but I didn't enjoy college. I didn't have fun. I didn't make any new lifelong friends, I never partied, I never did anything. And to make matters worse, all this time I was sitting around not partying, I certainly wasn't making straight A's. I was just there. 

I went through a hard time in college. It was a transition point for me and it was a transition I did not take well. I found myself during those years but in the end, I just kinda fell back into the routine, what was comfortable for me, but really what was comfortable for everyone else. 

Now, I'm approaching 29 years old and although I am writing, which was what I wanted to do, there are other things I wanted to accomplish before now. Getting my Master's Degree was one of those things. 

A lot of the reason is that I'm scared. Although I was an English major, I'm not one of those dorky people that remembers all the quotable lines from Shakespeare. I struggled to get through my English classes. I was put down more times than I can remember from wannabe writers that ended up teaching. They told me basically that I sucked and would never amount to anything as a writer. Assholes....It made me work harder though and I finished. But the thought of going back to college and having to deal with asshole professors again scares me. It's not that I can't take criticism. I get it quite often working in the newspaper business. I can handle constructive criticism but that's not what these professors offered. Even while I took a graduate level certificate course at UNC, I had one of those same professors. 

So there's the reality. I'm scared. And of course, I can't afford to take on another $20,000 in student loans to get a Master's Degree in Journalism or even English when careers in those fields barely pay. So I'm scared and the reality is, it's not really worth it.