Moving along...

Well, it looks like my car will go a few more weeks without getting painted. I don't even care anymore. It'll get painted when it gets painted. The whole thing has been a pain in the butt. I almost wish I had just left the stupid car alone. Almost. 

Other than the car thing, I'm still trudging along on Jennifer's scholarship. I feel so behind. Part of it is not my fault because the letters and stuff weren't ready. But I do feel like a big part is my fault because I haven't been getting my list ready like I should. Next week, I'll be talking to the fire department about the scholarship. I didn't realize it until this weekend, but I am really nervous and wondering if I'll be able to get through this whole thing without becoming emotional. I don't want my emotions to screw this up. So I guess I need to practice what I am going to say and develop a script of some sort to go by so I don't mess up. 

I have a huge list of things I need to do and I just can't seem to get motivated to get them done. I don't know why. I get home and have all this time to myself and I just clean up and sit on the couch watching television. I have no motivation to do anything productive. 

Work is really getting to me lately. I do enjoy my job but I do think I need a real break. But there's not a break anytime soon so I'll just have to try to get through this. 

Allen is still looking for a full-time job. We thought we had some leads but so far, nothing has happened. He starts school this week and I'm excited that he's going to really finish up his degree. He worked so hard for this and I want him to be successful with his career aspirations. I think we both need to sit down and just get our heads right. 

Other than that, things are moving slowly along. I plan to sit down this week and make a list of everything I need to do and actually start working on doing it. Hopefully by my next post, I'll have made some progress on at least something. 

Patience is not MY virtue

Well my birthday has passed and my car did not get painted. I should have known. Anything I get over excited about never comes to fruition. I am very disappointed and quite angry about the whole deal but being pissed isn't going to paint my car so I'm over it and moving on. SUPPOSEDLY, it'll be done by the 22nd of this month. We'll see...

In other news, things are still kind of on the rough side for me. Work is exhausting and I feel like if I don't get a break soon, I'm going to go insane. I just need a break from my life. I have two days off this week but nothing vacation-like planned so I'm not so sure it'll count for the break I so desperately need. But I have another 3 days off in September and hopefully Allen and I can manage a real vacation. I just hope I can make it until September. 

Jennifer's scholarship is coming along nicely, as far as the planning is concerned. But I should soon be getting the "official" flyers from ECU so I can start getting them out and hopefully raising some money. I am speaking to the local Fire Department at the end of the month and I'm hoping they'll contribute some and also help me spread the word. I'm really not a big fundraising type so this whole asking for money thing is hard for me. But it's for a good cause and I feel I'm doing something positive for Jennifer other than absorbing my grief (and anger) in mundane things. I'm supposed to meet with the lady this week from ECU, hopefully to pick up the fliers and then I can start getting them out. My two days off this week will hopefully be used to send out this flier. 

I keep saying I'm doing better with this Jennifer passing away and I guess I am. But the last few weeks have been so hard. I've missed Jennifer a lot and I've really needed her shoulder to cry on. There were two things I learned after Jennifer died. One was how good of a friend she was and the other was how few friends I really had. The second has probably been the hardest to accept, especially now when I'm in desperate need of a shoulder to cry on. But I'll survive and come out of this a stronger person and hopefully a better person too.