Too much

The last 2 weeks have been just crazy. There have been a least a dozen times I've thought I lost my mind. I have no patience right now and Corbin is absolutely driving me crazy. So is Allen. Actually, so is everything. I feel like I'm on the border of a mental breakdown. That, of course, is why I'm here, to get it all out and see if I feel better.

I am in desperate need of a friend, someone to just talk to, to vent to, to cry with. If I can't do that, then I'd at least like to hit something or maybe even shoot something. I'm sure that would make me feel better.

I don't know what's going on. I'm guessing it's stress. There's a lot on my plate right now and I'm at the freak out level.

First of all, I have about 4 weeks to go before I have this baby. We still have no crib, no double stroller, no diapers, no formula, nothing really. All we have are clothes and that's really because they are Corbin's hand-me-downs. The house isn't ready either. The baby room, or playroom, or whatever it's supposed to be is still not even close to finished. The living room isn't finished yet. Heck, the bathroom, which was started on MONTHS ago, is still not even finished. And, Christmas is coming and because I'll be out of commission for any crazy holiday shopping, I have to get all that done early, which has never in the history of mankind, ever happened. So I have to get Christmas done prior to the baby as well.

We also are still rolling around with one car. I'm blessed to have our one car but we really need to get this whole car situation straightened out. So we have to find a second car before the baby comes

And then there's work.

Typically, you get maternity leave. But I work for a newspaper and newspapers are strange little creatures. I get maternity leave but prior to going on it, I have to still have some stories stockpiled in a pretty little folder so the paper can still publish. And I can almost 100% guarantee, I won't get my full maternity leave so I'll end up coming back early.

On top of that, my boss discovered she has to have surgery. It's a very necessary surgery and she has to have ASAP. Her date is December 12. Mine is December 21. Each week that this newspaper comes out, there are two people who actually do the layout of the newspaper. It's me and her. And our time out will definitely overlap at some point. So, who's supposed to put out the newspaper? Umm, good question!

We are in freak out mode over here at the newspaper. But it'll all get done, somehow. One of us will have to disobey our doctor's orders and get back in the office early. I bet we both will. We are both crazy and have both somehow, made this newspaper our life existence. Besides, I can't really stand the thought of someone else sitting at my desk doing my job.

I also have to figure out how my family will survive after this baby comes. Health insurance is a wonderful thing but it's a very expensive thing. When I added Corbin to my policy, my insurance went up drastically. Adding another kid is going to make it worse and there's a chance I'll get a crappy paycheck after all that fun stuff is taken out. Since I am the financial provider for our family, that's not going to fare well and it's up to me to figure that out too. And I can't get a second job. This newspaper thing doesn't really cooperate well with second jobs. I've tried.

So anyway, I suppose this is all my cross to bear, as they say, and I'm not bearing it too well right now.

Kitties

So, this summer, I lost my cat, Domino. I've been pretty miserable since.

Domino was my buddy. I got him just a few months before Allen and I started dating. And we've been buds ever since. He was 11 years old and he passed away the last weekend in June. I was devastated.

I don't really care to get into all the details of his death. He was old and things happen. He passed away in Allen's arms and now, he's buried in our backyard, under a tree in a little kitty coffin Allen made for him.

That same weekend, we also lost our outside cat, Teddy. He was a man kitty and he loved Allen. He sort of came with our house. Outdoor cats don't have that long of a life span so we never expected Teddy to live as long as he did. He was adventurous and he liked to get in trouble. Allen had to nurse him back to life at least 3 times in the 5 of or so years we had him. He got bit by a snake, got into a fight with something wild and God knows what else. That cat was a lucky thing but eventually his luck ran out. We think he actually got into something poisonous and that's how he passed. There was really nothing we could do to save him.

It was a hard weekend for us, losing two cats in a weekend. Freak coincidence I suppose.

Anyway, we were down to 2 cats. When we moved to Nashville, we had 4 cats. But somehow two cats came with our house and we let them stay. So we had 6 cats. But, they slowly passed away and we had 2 left. After Domino and Teddy died, Allen said no more cats. He said the two we have, Ally and Stitch, would have to due. But Stitch and Ally are very antisocial. They don't snuggle, they don't play and quite frankly, I'm not sure what their purpose in my life is. They are not Domino.

I suppose the fact that I still cry all the time about missing Domino made him change his mind. Of course, I am pregnant so that probably has a lot to do with my crying all the time. But anyway....

I've hinted to Allen that I really wanted another cat. Just one more, one like Domino that would snuggle with me and hate Allen. I'd send him little black and white kitties that were available at the shelter. No luck.

But one night, I came home from work on a Friday night and I heard this rat-like noise in our bedroom. I was exhausted as it was election week and I had worked my butt off. So the noise, I thought, could be me going crazy. But still, I told Allen there was a rat in our bedroom. Then I looked down and there was a note that said, "Merry Christmas Amanda. I love you." Under the note was a box top and under that, a little furry creature.

Not only did Allen break down and get me a black and white kitten, but he had brought home a very young kitten, probably around 3 weeks old. This kitten still had to be bottle fed and helped to the bathroom. Oh boy.

But, she is super cute and I've named her Darla.

The past week has been tiring. She has to be bottle fed every few hours and I am already up every few hours in the middle of the night to pee. Of course, me peeing and her feeding times don't mingle so really, I never sleep. But, that should only last a week or so and she should be eating on her own and all that mess.

I really like my little Darla but still, I miss Domino. I know Darla will never be Domino but hopefully she can at least be my bud.

And right now, a little Darla is just what I need.

C-Section madness

So, yesterday I received, in the mail no less, an appointment card for my c-section.

Because of the complications with Corbin and the shape of my internal baby parts, I have to have another c-section. If I don't, there's a good chance the whole getting stuck thing will happen again and I'm not really up for another one of those adventures.

Anyway, I've been asking the doctor for months when we were going to schedule a date. Since I am having a c-section, I at least would like to have the pleasure of planning things a little better this go around. The doctor kept saying they'd get the nurse to get in touch with me. Well, that never happened, and now, all of a sudden, I have this card in the mail announcing my "date."

The date is December 21 at 7:30 a.m. My due date is December 22. Do you see the problem with this?

First of all, I thought I'd have somewhat of a say in the date. I was hopeful that we could sit down together and look at a calendar and pick the day this kid would be born but apparently, in Nash County, that's not the way it works.

The second issue is, well, how many people actually give birth on their due dates? UM hardly any! SO, waiting until the day before my due date is absolutely dumb. I am not going to make it that long, I can promise! This baby is coming early. In my opinion, I'll be lucky if he makes it to December. This means I'll have to go through all the crap of contractions and pain and maybe even the water breaking deal! This could all possibly end up as another emergency c-section and that was not fun and the end result was it was very painful.

I'm not sure what these people were thinking. But I go to the doctor next week and I am going to ask. I have no problem with December 21. Initially I was hopeful that could be a date we could pick. That is actually Allen's birthday and what better present to give him than a screaming, cute, little, squishy boy? So if the doctor's truly feel I can make it that long, then fine with me. But, I don't think I will. And that concerns me because another 40+ hour labor is not something I look forward to!

Halloween

Well, we have made it through another Halloween with no major incidents, unless you count Corbin biting the crap out of my arm. He wasn't even dressed as a vampire but somehow, he decided grabbing my arm and biting me right through my sweater would be super awesome funny. My screaming like a little girl didn't help matters either. He thought it was funny and tried to do it again.

So I guess I should say, aside from the teeth marks and bruise on my arm from little baby teeth, there were no major issues this Halloween.

I say that because Halloween is a touchy subject for Allen and I. We have very different opinions on Halloween.

Allen was raised to celebrate Halloween like it's the most important holiday ever. I wasn't really raised to think the opposite but I guess because I was raised in a christian atmosphere, I have different thoughts regarding Halloween. I actually despise Halloween. I find it to be an evil, stupid holiday. Allen thinks I'm crazy.

So, having children was bound to create some issues on this holiday. But, so far, we've managed to compromise and we've survived so far.

I can't really explain my feelings on Halloween. I just don't like it. I don't like being scared and I think scaring little kids is beyond mean. And, I think dressing up like demons and witches and evil stuff is just celebrating evil things. I'm a freak, I know but I don't like to be around anything that personifies evil so Halloween and me don't get along.

Corbin is still little so there's no desire yet for Allen to want to dress him as a ghost or goblin or devil but I guess it's something that's coming. And that's when we'll have issues. I've tried not to be too prude about Allen's desires to go all out for Halloween but it's hard since it now involves our kid. I've let Allen do what he normally does for Halloween and I just stay away or do something else.

Allen is actually starting to understand my side a little more since Corbin came along. He doesn't want to scare Corbin or do anything that will scar him for life so exposing him to monsters is not something he does right now. And, I've been able to actually sit down and talk to Allen and really explain why I don't care for Halloween. And instead of saying we WILL NOT celebrate Halloween, I've agreed to a compromise.

This year, we did a lot of church events. We went to a few trunk-or-treats and also went to town sponsored events. You really can't do the whole traditional trick-or-treating in neighborhoods anymore because people are nuts today and you really can't trust anyone.

But anywho, Corbin dressed up as Captain America and we did our thing.

We even decorated our yard but it was more of a Fall theme rather than scary stuff. That was another one of our compromises. We have pumpkins and stuff but we got some scarecrow things that are dressed like pirates so Allen was happy about that. It looks cute and so not scary, which I love!

Towards the end of everything, Corbin finally got the hang of it and started walking up to people with his hands out like "gimme gimme." He loved the act of getting stuff to put in his bucket. And I love that his cuteness got him extra candy. The candy aspect is certainly my favorite. But really, the day after Halloween is my favorite because candy goes on sale and I am nuts about Hershey bars right now. That's the one craving I've had in this pregnancy so I'm raiding the stores and stocking up on half-price Hershey bars.

For now, Allen and I are doing okay on our Halloween compromise. But once the boys are older, that may change. I guess we will wait and see.

Back to Blogging

So, after a hiatus from blogging, I've decided to come back. I just need this space to vent. I don't care who reads it, if anyone reads it. I need to write to gets things out. That's my comfort, my release and it's how I deal with things.

So for the past four or so months, I haven't been dealing with things because I haven't been writing. It's no wonder I'm to the point of crying over nothing at all.

Here's a recap of the past four months; Get out of bed, pee, get dressed for work, pee, eat breakfast, pee, go to work, write stories, do interviews and pee about 100 times in between. That's all before lunch. Most days I feel extremely tired and sick all afternoon and of course, I pee....a lot. I go home at night, play with Corbin, eat dinner, throw up, play some more, get Corbin to bed, and of course, pee in between all those things. Sometimes there's a little more throwing up in between. Yep, it's the life of a pregnant lady.

This pregnancy has been a pain in the you-know-what. I don't know what makes it so different. I was sick with Corbin too but not this sick. I am not like 8 months pregnant and still barfing my brains out. Though I'm not barfing as much, I am now at the stage of barfing at the weirdest times. I'll have the best day ever, go home, eat dinner and then get sick. But you know, I'll take the throwing up because at least now that's all I'm doing. Before, I felt like crap. All. The. Time. Now, I feel better, have a little, tiny bit of energy and can actually play with Corbin and enjoy it. So if I have to run to the bathroom to barf a few times in between, I can do that, as long as I feel good.

Speaking of barfing, Corbin seems to have caught on to the fact his mommy barfs a lot. I try really hard to not throw up in front of him. But, sometimes it's hard. Like the times we are driving and all of a sudden I yell, PULL OVER, and I jump out and throw up. Or when Corbin is taking a bath and I have to puke.

It all started very innocently. I'd be on the side of the road barfing my brains out when I'd hear Corbin in the van imitating the barfing noises I make. Allen would laugh, I'd get mad and then laugh too and then I'd look at Corbin and tell him it's not funny to make fun of sick mommy.

But now, it's at a whole new level.

About two weeks ago, Corbin was running around the house when Allen started laughing and told me to come here. So I go to find them and Corbin is in the bathroom, leaning over the toilet and yes, he's making barfing noises. The first time, I laughed a little about it but I was still a little irritated because it's not funny! Okay, maybe a little. But it's not funny that Allen thinks it's so funny.

Anyway, that was the first night. I thought it was over with until the second night, when he proceeds to go in the bathroom again and do the same thing. And then the third night, fourth night and so on. Now, it's almost a ritual. And it's seriously not funny anymore. I'm not even throwing up that much!

But we have definitely learned a lesson here. Corbin is watching us and he is doing the things we do. So, we have to be careful what we say and do. Little eyeballs are watching and imitating.