Jennifer's scholarship is moving along now. We held a Craft/Yard Sale in June and though the craft part of it didn't go as planned, we somehow managed to raise over $3,000! I was shocked, still am actually. But now, we have moved beyond the $5,000 required to get this thing official. We'll be having another bbq chicken plate sale in September, at the Bethel Unity Festival. I had decided to skip it this year but we had several requests to do it again so here we are. Last year we brought in between $500-$600. This year, my goal is $1,000.
The scholarship has given me something to do to occupy my time. I've been rather lonely lately and the tv has been my only companion so this at least gives me something to do. But I have found some other things to occupy my time as well.
I've started going to a Bible study with my cousin, Amy. It's a women's bible study and it's been interesting. It's focus is on how to have a heart for God. It's been uplifting and a little hard to digest all at the same time. The feminist in me has trouble accepting some of the things it is telling me about my role as a woman and wife. But I'm learning and it's somewhat helping me to be a better wife and person in general. I have a long ways to go though.
On a slightly depressing note, Allen lost his job again. This is the third time in two years he has been laid off by the same company. I don't think Allen will go back a fourth time. He's found things to do to keep some money rolling in and he's got some plans of things he wants to do. So, I'm going to try and support what he does and see what happens. I can't imagine being laid off this many times is good for anyone's self confidence. I know it hasn't been good for Allen's. He needs to follow his heart and do what makes him happy. I'm willing to let him give it a shot.
I turned 30 last week. It was an emotional roller coaster for me but I guess I got through it and just like a roller coaster, I was a little sick on my stomach when it was all over. I know I've done okay in my first 30 years but there's so much more I wish I could have accomplished. But I suppose it's never too late. I was fortunate to have people in my life that really tried to make my birthday special this year.
I am trying hard to put myself back out there so that maybe I can develop some friendships. Since Jennifer died, I've been walking around with this brick wall around my emotions, terrified to let anyone else in. I have a lot of trouble trusting people, which is why Jennifer was my one true friend, the one person I can talk about anything. But then again, there are times I find myself just blabbing to anyone about my personal life and afterwards, I'm wondering what in the world I was thinking. But over the last five months or so, I've really needed a shoulder to cry on. Allen and I have been dealing with some issues that have put our relationship in a bit of a strain. I've found that I have more people than I thought to confide in. I guess it took me going through something hard to realize it. I guess making new friends means accepting the fact that maybe I'm finally getting over Jennifer. There are still times I'm at my desk at work, or sitting at home, and I just break down and cry. It's like I've found out all over again that my best friend is gone. I wonder if I'll always be like that.
Finally, I just got back from TN. My whole family went and it made me realize how much I miss our family trips. We had a good time but didn't get to do as much as we wanted. There were some adventurous trips I had wanted to take but just couldn't fit it in our schedule. Hopefully, next year we'll do it again.
I'm sure there's more that's happened over the past 7 months but I'm 30 and my brain just doesn't remember like it used to. As you can tell, my brain is also very scattered. I always hoped this blog would be a little more organized with some direction to it but so far it seems to be pretty random.
