Still waiting....

Allen spoke before the church board this past Sunday about his business. It was after an extremely long weekend of remodeling our bathroom but he managed to put his tools down and clean himself up and get to the meeting. Corbin and I met him there though we didn't actually go. We just sat in the car and waited, providing moral support, I suppose.

Allen seems to think the meeting went well. There were a lot of questions about he can make the business Christian based. Hopefully he answered them well.

I hope this works out for Allen. We never got an answer and hopefully we'll find out soon what is going on but Allen left feeling good about things so that was enough for me.

The one thing we've learned with this business venture is that all things happen through God's timing. Allen wanted to do this over a year ago. We started working on it over a year ago but things would never come together. That's when Allen had the idea of making it a Christ-based business. He felt like that is what God was telling him to do. So that's what he did.

Since then, things have moved a lot more smoothly though it has been at a slow pace. But Allen has been more accepting of the slow pace because he believes it will all happen in God's timing.

And so far, it has.

We will hopefully have classes in Nashville starting soon but also Allen has been approached by his nephew, who lives in Williamston about doing classes there. He has a large group that he feels will take the classes so we're working towards that too. It'll be interesting to see where this all leads.

I told Allen that though it's felt like a slow process, once it happens, it'll happen so fast, we'll be about to go crazy!

So in a few more weeks, our lives will change and we are hopeful it'll be changes for the good.

New bathroom

So, I mentioned earlier that Corbin and I spent the weekend at Mama Ruth's. The reason we did that was twofold. One, we wanted to spend time with Mama Ruth. But two, Allen and his dad made plans to remodel our bathroom.

The bathroom has been in the works for a while. We started tearing down stuff in there, which we are really good at, but we haven't put anything back. But finally, we decided that we just had to do it. Our bathroom was gross. Being an old house, bathrooms are usually the worst room in the house. That was definitely the case in our house.

Initially, we wanted to gut the whole bathroom and completely rearrange the layout of it. But then, we decided to keep it simple and cheap. We were just going to replace the sheetrock on the walls and ceiling, paint it, put in a new toilet and sink, redo the floor and put in a new window and then of course, there was some more odd and end stuff.

So I left Friday and on Saturday, I discovered that Allen had decided, in tearing up stuff, that it wouldn't be that difficult to rearrange stuff the way we originally planned. Then we could have the bathroom we originally wanted. That's the good news. The bad news is I came home Sunday and my bathroom was not finished. In my opinion, it wasn't even CLOSE to being finished. I had to pee outside, if that tells you anything.

So, although I was excited about my new bathroom, I was a little worried that it would not get finished in a timely manner. And, I am still worried.

On Monday night, I came home and I did finally have water again and I could pee inside so that's definitely a plus. But I could not take a shower or bath.

Here's the picture. There is sheetrock covering all the walls and ceiling and this floor stuff covering the floor. But there's no paint on the walls, the walls haven't even been mudded yet and there is no floor down. There's no light. It's just a room with a toilet and a bathtub that can't be used yet.

SO, I'm a little concerned but I have to have a little faith that my husband will do this project much quicker than he does other projects. I can only go so long not taking a shower and peeing in the dark.

Mama Ruth visit

This past weekend, Corbin and I made the 45-mile or so trek to Pitt County. The trek itself is not that big of a deal because we make the trek quite often and over the past month, we've made it at least once a week. The big deal is that I had Corbin all to myself for a whole weekend. Normally, this wouldn't freak me out. But on the day before we left, Corbin began crawling and crawling means a lot of things. It means never being able to keep my eyes of off the boy and it means lots of boo-boos.

I enjoyed the weekend but it was stressful! Corbin was all over the place and everytime I told him "no" he would scream and it would break my heart.

But the bigger picture here is we got to spend the whole weekend with my grandma.

Mama Ruth has been having some troubles lately. Her mental health has not been too good the last few weeks. Since my uncle died, Mama Ruth has been experiencing what the doctors call delirium without demensia. The condition is brought on by stress or anxiety. Obviously, losing two brothers and a sister-in-law within a year or so of one another can be stressful. But the losses have scared her because she knows that one day, she too, will die. So anyway, Mama Ruth began talking to people that weren't there and doing strange things. It freaked us out and she saw a doctor and that's when we found out about everything.

Mama Ruth seems to thrive with people around, especially children. She seems more like herself. I have noticed that when Corbin is around, she is so happy. She gets on the floor and crawls around with him and she just seems happy. When we're not around, or when she is alone, she stays in bed all day long. That is obviously not good for her. So the family is trying hard to keep her surrounded by people, especially kids, as often as possible.

We had a good visit. Mama Ruth seemed to enjoy herself and Corbin seemed to enjoy climbing all over everything and trying to mess with everything but his toys. I, on the other hand, about went crazy. This crawling thing is no fun! But I suppose it'll just take some getting used to.

Master's Degree or bust

So, I've always had this dream/goal of going as far as I can in education. I wanted to be Dr. Clark just because I thought that would be pretty cool.

I went to UNC-CH and did get a certificate in Technology and Communication in the graduate program. At that time, that was the only thing offered online in the Master's program. But when I started, there were plans to begin an online Master's Degree program. I had every intention of being one of the first classes to graduate from that program. It never happened.

There are many reasons it didn't. The main one was money. It's super expensive to go back to school. I paid for the certificate program out of my own pocket. And if I were to go back to school for a Master's Degree, I would hope to not have to get any more loans to do it. I have enough school loans at the moment and I'm barely able to pay them back! So obviously, with Allen out of work for so many years, it was just unreasonable for us to do.

Another reason was fear. I don't want to fail. Things have changed a lot since I was in college. I struggled a lot with the certificate program and I was scared I'd not be able to get through the Master's program.

Then, of course, it was time. My job keeps me pretty busy. I work at night, on weekends, and sometimes at the last minute so going back to school, even online would be a challenge.

Time definitely continues to be an issue. I have a little one now and he takes up a lot of time. If I'm not working, I'm with Corbin, trying to play with him and spend as much time with him as possible. I don't want school to interfere with that too much.

And now, my life is focused on Corbin and giving him the best education I can. So every extra dime we have is going into a savings for him to go to school, whether it's a super expensive private school (which I wrote about a few blogs ago) or college. I want to make sure he can do whatever and go wherever he wants. So, I suppose I feel like at this point, I have to sacrifice my own wants and desires for my family.

But lately, I've been thinking hard about it. I don't know why. It's not like getting a Master's Degree is going to allow me to make more money in the newspaper business. It won't. But my initial plans were to get my Master's Degree so maybe I could teach journalism at the college level on a part-time basis to supplement my newspaper salary with potential plans to leave the newspaper business once I had a family and teach full-time. But teaching? YUCK. Some people were meant to teach. I don't believe I am one of those people. But could I be?

A part of me feels like if I'm going to preach to my kid about how important a good, quality education is, then maybe I should have one myself.

I don't know what I'll end up doing. I'm 31 years old now. That's like a 100. If I keep thinking about it, I'm scared I'll lose my chance forever.

Nashville Academy of Martial Arts

I'm on a roll today. I just remembered all this stuff I have to write about.

Things have been moving, slowly but surely, with Allen's martial arts stuff. We have been working with a church here in Nashville to start classes, hopefully in March.

Around 2 weeks ago, Allen started back taking classes in Greenville at Charles June Karate Institute. He wanted to get back into classes himself to get refreshed on things but to also move forward with advancing in his belt ranks. He is currently a black belt. In order to give others black belts, I believe you have to be a second degree black belt. So Allen will have until next April to work towards that goal. Even if he started his own classes now, it would be years before a student is ready for a black belt so his timing will be perfect.

I have loved to see how happy getting back into martial arts has made him. It is something he truly loved and I hate that he stopped doing it. I'm not even sure why he stopped. I've been able to go with him to 2 classes and though he's not been to a class in like 12 years, you cannot tell. He can keep up with the best of them.

Allen has to go before the church board on Sunday evening to discuss his plans. A final vote should be taken then so hopefully we'll know what's going on and can move forward. If they approve it, we start classes after Upward Basketball, which should be in March. If they don't approve it, well I guess we have to start over in looking for locations.

Each week, Allen meets with the preacher of the church to do prayer meetings and to discuss things. I think it has helped him having support and prayers from others. This thing is not something we have a lot of support for. It's something that is certainly risky but it's something we both believe in. My job is to support my husband. That's what I am doing. I feel that God is leading him to the path He wants him to take. This is where that path has led and so this is what we are doing. If we fail, then we can say we tried. If we never try, we will never know.

I, too, have concerns. We have and will invest a lot of money, and time, into this business venture. If it fails, it will break both of our hearts but it will truly devastate Allen.

There's a lot that goes into a business. There's the name, the logo, the business plan. We've done all that, though we still are working towards registering the name. But then there's the other "stuff," the businessy stuff, like taxes and legal mess.

Allen did a great job with his logo. It's something he designed and got done on his own. I think he has a pretty good business plan too. That's something that was all his ideas but that I put together in a manageable, understandable format. So, basically I wrote the plan based on Allen's thoughts and ideas. I think we did a good job for our first one.

I pray that this business will succeed and be everything Allen wants it to be. I hope that it will give him the life he's always wanted. But more importantly, I hope this business is everything God wants it to be, so that we may lives the way He wants us to.

Education

So, before Corbin was even born, I started thinking about his education.

Education is important to me. I want him to have the very best education for several reasons but the top two are: 1) I want Corbin to be able to do and be anything he wants to be in life and I don't want his education to hinder that. And 2) Corbin will be the one to pick my nursing home and take care of me so I need him to have a good education so that he can pick the best nursing home and take proper care of his old mother.

I went to public schools. I have no qualms about it. I am properly educated...well sort of.

I went to rural public schools. Rural as in, out in the middle of nowhere, or in really tiny towns. I felt like I received a good education, until I went off to college and got into some of my classes and went "huh?" That's when I realized I missed out on some things. I'm not downing rural public schools. They did a good job with what they had. But I want more for Corbin.

I also have concerns about my job. I know I'm being slightly paranoid but I write about the local school board. And though the school board is not one I cover on a regular basis, that could change. And what we write about is not always happy stuff. I don't want there to ever be a chance where school folks could take out my articles on Corbin.

So I began to look at private schools. I know nothing about private schools. My cousin went to one and I knew they were expensive but that's it. I didn't, however, realize how expensive. But, in my tiny little brain, I became determined to find out about private schools.

I started researching them and found one that I really liked. I had visited it before, in my role as a reporter and I was impressed then. We get press releases all the time from this school. But when I went to their website I couldn't find tuition rates. I needed to know the cost so I could sit down and get a realistic idea of whether or not this could even happen.

I found tuition rates of other schools, however, and thought this particular school couldn't be much different.

I was wrong.

I finally got my hands on the rates and discovered why there tuitions rates are so hard to come by. They are super expensive.

I mean the rates are comparable to some colleges.

But I was still determined. Can you really put a pricetag on your child's education? Well, yes, you can actually.

I discussed it with Allen and I fully expected him to, after he passed out from learning the rates, to say heck no, we aren't spending that kind of money on a private school. But, instead, he was silent for a moment and then said, well I think it would be one of the best investments we could make.

Of course, this made the wheels start turning in my head. How in heck are we going to afford private school? And, this is where we are now. I'm going over the numbers, going over our paychecks and the only solution I can come up with is that I need to become a prostitute or drug dealer.

I've gotten Corbin's piggy bank out and started putting money in it like crazy. A dollar here, a dollar there. I put a bunch of change in there (but only the silver stuff). At last count, I had around $65 in there. So that should cover about 5 minutes of Corbin's private school career.

I have a long ways to go. But I've got tons of ideas to make this happen and they don't require me doing illegal stuff. But they do require me never eating out, buying clothes, renting movies or doing anything remotely fun ever again.

Baby personalities

So, I'm starting to see Corbin's personality come out a bit. For the most part,I think my little boy will be pretty awesome. But I'm his mom and I'm supposed to think that.

He seems to have a sense of humor. I can't imagine where he got that from? But he loves to laugh and smile. And he laughs at the strangest things but that doesn't really bother me because I love, love, love it when he laughs.

I think he may also be a daredevil like his crazy father. He is now pulling himself up in his crib and standing. He'll hold on to the crib and just bounce up and down, up and down. He also tries to eat the railing of his crib. I hope that's normal and that he's not part goat because he puts anything in his mouth. Last week, I had him at work and he kept trying to lick my desk.

But anyway, back to his daredevil antics. He recently started to stand up in his crib, bounce up and down, up and down and then let go of his crib. Since he can't really stand up by himself for too long without holding on to something, he eventually falls. So he'll fall backwards and scare the crap out of me. And each time, he laughs hysterically, rolls over, climbs back up the crib and does it again.

Everything that has happened to him that scares the crap out of me, he finds ridiculously funny. I'm a little worried about this.

Allen plays too rough with him, in my opinion. When I fuss at him about it, he insists that Corbin is a little boy and needs to be tough so he's helping toughen him up. Well I certainly don't want my little boy to be a sissy but still, I can't help it if I want to pick him up and hold him every time he falls down and cries.

I think Corbin is gonna be a fun, little boy. I think he is also going to drive me crazy, much like his father. But at least I'll have plenty to write about.

Fellow bloggers

So, I follow several blogs here. Most of the blogs I follow rarely write in their blogs but then there are 2 or 3 that write almost everyday.

I love to read these blogs. But at the same time, these blogs make me hate myself. Seriously.

They make me feel extremely slack, lazy, stupid, etc. etc. In a way, this is motivation for me. But in another way, it makes me want to slap myself because I seriously do not have enough skills to make a smiley face sandwich or organize my closets or write reviews about books I read. Once I read a book, I'm done. I can say, man that was a good book and if someone says, "Really, what was it about" my response is "umm a girl loves a boy and they find Jesus and well I can't remember the rest. But it was good!"

My talents in life are limited. Though I love to read, I cannot remember what I read unless I take notes. I've had this problem since I was little. I once found a note from a teacher in elementary school tattling on me. It said I read way too fast, so fast that I could not remember what I read. I guess I still do that today.

And as far as creative sandwich making skills, well, I can probably cut the crust off but that's about it. Do they have classes for that type of creative stuff?

I've tried to do the whole scrapbooking thing. I even have a box full of stuff. But I have no idea how to use it. I have plans to someday learn. I suppose I'll need a class for that one too.

So all I can do is write and that talent is really up in the air. I'm not sure I'm even that good at that.

So what's the point of this post? I don't really have one. I just wanted to write about something and could not think of anything and since I just got done looking at a hand painted timeout stool and another blog on something about picture frame making, I felt like writing about my fellow bloggers. You guys are pretty freaking awesome. But you make me feel kind of sucky and inadequate.

So thanks for that.

PS: I would like a smiley face sandwich please.

Funerals and surgeries

This week has sucked, just sucked and I will be glad to see it end.

We had Uncle Ralph's funeral earlier this week. It was a sad day for a lot of people. Our family dynamic has changed with his passing. And now, I'm really at a loss for words on what else to say. So I'll just say nothing.

Hannah's surgery was also this week and though the surgery itself is over and was successful, we are now waiting for Hannah to recover and to determine whether the surgery was successful for her. I don't understand all the medical terminology but basically, the surgery may not have worked. So we have to wait and see. If it didn't work, well that's not good news for Hannah.

Hannah is currently hooked up to breathing machines. They tried to take her off of them but she stopped breathing so she was put back on. I hope she can regain her strength so that she can get through this ok.

I worry about Hannah. She's so young and fragile. I pray things go well.

I am definitely emotionally overwhelmed right now. I'm sure most of my family is.

I hope 2012 gets better.

Goodbye Uncle Ralph

Uncle Ralph died on Saturday. His battle didn't last long and honestly, I think we were all relieved in a way, because none of us wanted to see him suffer like Uncle Dean did. But still, we were all surprised that it happened so fast.

It was only a week ago that Uncle Ralph and my family were eating lunch together after church. My dad had talked to him the night before his struck. It's all surreal. Uncle Ralph is not here anymore.

I will remember Uncle Ralph fondly. I grew up hanging out at his little country store with my dad, playing video games, getting pennies from the older men to buy candy. I grew up being teased by Uncle Ralph. He gave a mean Indian burn. It wasn't that long ago I asked him if he could still do one of those and well, he showed me he could. It hurt just as bad as it did 20 years ago.

I'll always remember Uncle Ralph's sense of humor, his love of God, his church and his family. He was a special man, a man that all men should strive to emulate. I'm so proud to call myself a member of the Whitehurst family. What a legacy Uncle Ralph and Uncle Dean have left us.

But, nonetheless, it's still hard to say goodbye.

I hope as soon as Uncle Ralph took his last breath, he opened his eyes and found Aunt Louise standing there, smiling at him. I hope his daughter, June, was right beside her, with her arms wide open. If that's what Uncle Ralph saw as he left this world, I know he left a happy man.

May you rest in peace, Uncle Ralph.

Saying goodbye

Well so far, 2012 has started off pretty crappy.

This week, my uncle had a stroke.

We just went through this with my other uncle and it did not have a happy ending.

Uncle Ralph was found around lunchtime on Wednesday in his bed. We're not really sure when he had the stroke. He was seen Tuesday night so we're assuming it could have been sometime in his sleep.

Uncle Ralph lost his wife a few months ago. She battled alzheimer's for many years and it finally took her life.

Uncle Dean died in November 2010. He had a stroke and spent many weeks in the hospital before he passed away.

It's hard to believe this is happening all over again.

I know Uncle Ralph would not want to go through the same thing his brother did. He pulled out his NG tube last night and the decision was made to not put it back in. So Uncle Ralph will not receive anymore medication or nutrition and from now, doctors and nurses will make sure he is comfortable.

I guess that means we are losing Uncle Ralph.

I feel really lost about the whole thing.

Uncle Ralph had a good long life. He was a great man. I loved him like a grandfather. My dad loved him like a father. He stepped in where others didn't and filled those roles for us. It's hard to watch him go. But it's even harder to see him laying in a hospital bed the way he is right now.

My heart hurts to watch another one of our family members pass away. Our family just seems to be dwindling away. The reality is, we are all getting older. The real reality, however, is that this means we are that much closer to losing Mama Ruth. That, I cannot fathom.

I'm not sure what I would do without Mama Ruth. I know I'll still wake up everyday and live my life but she's my mom, how can I even set foot in Bethel knowing she's not there?

It was just a few weeks ago, we were celebrating Christmas with the family and Mama Ruth and Uncle Ralph were messing around, playing with a wig Mama Ruth had gotten for Christmas. The wig wasn't to wear, it was just a cute way of showing Mama Ruth that she was getting a hair appointment as a present. But Mama Ruth and Uncle Ralph started playing with the wig, trying it on and posing for pictures. That's how I'll remember Uncle Ralph.

As hard as this situation is for me, I can't imagine how hard it is for Mama Ruth. She's lost a brother and a sister-in-law over a year period. And now, she'll probably lose another brother. She only has one brother left after Uncle Ralph.

I love my family. Uncle Ralph is from such a special generation. I hate to lose him but I know, if he doesn't pull through from this, he'll be so happy to see his wife again, his many brothers and his God.

Will 2012 be THE year for my house?

So it's a new year and after what seemed like a super long break, I am hopeful the house renovations will begin in full force this month.

Last year, Allen was in super high gear, trying to get Corbin's room done. I was all excited because he claimed that our bathroom and living room would also get done but they did not. So, Corbin's room is the only finished room in my house.

I hate my house. It's an old piece of crap. We bought it as a fixer upper, knowing stuff would be wrong. But there has been more than just stuff wrong with this house. Everything is wrong with it. It's been a nightmare. It also hasn't helped that for the last few years, we've lived off my little, teeny tiny newspaper woman salary. That's definitely played a role in how much got done.

We did things all wrong anyway. We should have went in, painted every room and then once that was done, took one room at a time. But no, that's now how we do things in the Clark household. We came in, ripped down all but one tiny kitchen cabinet, ripped up carpet, pulled down sheetrock, etc., etc. So I've been living in a shell of a house for years. Allen says I'm exaggerating but I'm not. If you are a woman and you had to live in my house, you would probably think the same thing. I'm not even going to go into detail on what needs to be done. But the one thing that has been done is that everything has been torn down. Now, we just need to put it back up. I'm hopeful this year, stuff will be put back up. There's really nothing left to tear down.

Allen is doing all this work himself. From the electrical to building new walls, a new bathroom, everything, he's doing it all. It's time consuming for one person.

We have a baby now and it's super important our house gets done ASAP. We can't have Corbin crawling around our house, swinging from loose wires. Although it could be fun, it is also dangerous. I dread the day this boy crawls. It will be a scary day and it will be a day I lock him in his room!