Saying goodbye

Well so far, 2012 has started off pretty crappy.

This week, my uncle had a stroke.

We just went through this with my other uncle and it did not have a happy ending.

Uncle Ralph was found around lunchtime on Wednesday in his bed. We're not really sure when he had the stroke. He was seen Tuesday night so we're assuming it could have been sometime in his sleep.

Uncle Ralph lost his wife a few months ago. She battled alzheimer's for many years and it finally took her life.

Uncle Dean died in November 2010. He had a stroke and spent many weeks in the hospital before he passed away.

It's hard to believe this is happening all over again.

I know Uncle Ralph would not want to go through the same thing his brother did. He pulled out his NG tube last night and the decision was made to not put it back in. So Uncle Ralph will not receive anymore medication or nutrition and from now, doctors and nurses will make sure he is comfortable.

I guess that means we are losing Uncle Ralph.

I feel really lost about the whole thing.

Uncle Ralph had a good long life. He was a great man. I loved him like a grandfather. My dad loved him like a father. He stepped in where others didn't and filled those roles for us. It's hard to watch him go. But it's even harder to see him laying in a hospital bed the way he is right now.

My heart hurts to watch another one of our family members pass away. Our family just seems to be dwindling away. The reality is, we are all getting older. The real reality, however, is that this means we are that much closer to losing Mama Ruth. That, I cannot fathom.

I'm not sure what I would do without Mama Ruth. I know I'll still wake up everyday and live my life but she's my mom, how can I even set foot in Bethel knowing she's not there?

It was just a few weeks ago, we were celebrating Christmas with the family and Mama Ruth and Uncle Ralph were messing around, playing with a wig Mama Ruth had gotten for Christmas. The wig wasn't to wear, it was just a cute way of showing Mama Ruth that she was getting a hair appointment as a present. But Mama Ruth and Uncle Ralph started playing with the wig, trying it on and posing for pictures. That's how I'll remember Uncle Ralph.

As hard as this situation is for me, I can't imagine how hard it is for Mama Ruth. She's lost a brother and a sister-in-law over a year period. And now, she'll probably lose another brother. She only has one brother left after Uncle Ralph.

I love my family. Uncle Ralph is from such a special generation. I hate to lose him but I know, if he doesn't pull through from this, he'll be so happy to see his wife again, his many brothers and his God.