So, I'm into my 38th week and I thought I'd end this pregnancy being able to say I had a pretty decent pregnancy. Other than the emotional ups and downs, which really aren't that abnormal for me anyway, the only bad part of my pregnancy has been the first few months where I had the nausea and headaches. I've been sore here and there and have had bad days and have been tired but I haven't had hardly any of the "other stuff" that goes along with pregnancy.
But apparently, I've talked too much about how lucky I've had it because now I'm starting to get some of that "other stuff." My feet and ankles started swelling earlier this week and not just a little bit. They are ginormous and they hurt. And now, I'm starting to get some heartburn too. I've never really had heartburn but let me tell you, that mess hurts. and it makes it very hard to sleep.
Still though, I have 2 weeks to go and I'm going to think positive. I'm going to hope that it won't be this bad the rest of the time. And if a little swelling and SOME heartburn is all I have to deal with, I'll be okay with that.
My problem now is my next few doctor's appointments. I went this week and I was violated a wee bit too much. When he told me he was going to check my cervix, I pictured something totally different than what actually happened. It was the most painful thing ever and my first thought was, if this makes me about cry, I can only imagine what labor will do. But he most definitely found my cervix and I'm pretty sure he found the top of my baby's head. He said I hadn't really dilated much so I should be okay for now. SO, my fears of going this week may be somewhat relieved but still, you never really know when this whole thing is going to happen.
On a happy, not so personal note, the baby's room is 98% done. Allen got the floor in now. All that is left is the wall border, one closet door and the entry door, both of which need to be trimmed. Then, Allen has to finish building a dresser for the closet and get the electrical going. I think that's it. It's all odd end stuff but I'm hoping he'll be done very soon. In the meantime, he's getting ready to start on our bathroom and get that done, hopefully before the baby comes.
I must say, Corbin's room looks amazing! Allen did a great job and I am lucky to have a husband who can do all this work and who wanted to do it. He put his heart and soul into Corbin's room and honestly, I'm a little jealous. Corbin's room is way nicer than our bedroom!!! We have agreed that if Corbin decides to draw or paint on his walls, we will give him a paintbrush and make him repaint the room all by himself. Allen said that when he was growing up, his punishment was to paint stuff. So he's passing that on to our kid. I guess it's better than a whooping or sending him to his really, nice awesome room!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
swollen everything
So my feet started slowly swelling not that long ago and at first it wasn't that noticeable. The doctor checks for swelling at each appointment and I've been lucky in that I have had very little....until recently.
On Monday, I woke up, got dressed for work and when I went to put my shoes on, I couldn't get my feet in them. So, I am now wearing flip flops until Corbin decides to come. Today, my feet are huge. It looks like they got stung by a bee. They are big and ugly. And my rings don't fit either and I have this weird thing about not wearing my wedding rings. It bothers me a lot.
My stomach has suddenly decided to grow a lot too. It's like my body all of a sudden realized I was pregnant. Good thing I only have two more weeks.
I have other things going on but quite frankly, I don't want to talk about them. I just want to go to somewhere and ball up and cry right now. That's just how I feel. And if I weren't such a fat, swollen person, I would probably do it. But I'm not sure I could even form a ball right now. Most of my body already looks like one anyway so maybe I'll just go stand in a corner and cry.
On Monday, I woke up, got dressed for work and when I went to put my shoes on, I couldn't get my feet in them. So, I am now wearing flip flops until Corbin decides to come. Today, my feet are huge. It looks like they got stung by a bee. They are big and ugly. And my rings don't fit either and I have this weird thing about not wearing my wedding rings. It bothers me a lot.
My stomach has suddenly decided to grow a lot too. It's like my body all of a sudden realized I was pregnant. Good thing I only have two more weeks.
I have other things going on but quite frankly, I don't want to talk about them. I just want to go to somewhere and ball up and cry right now. That's just how I feel. And if I weren't such a fat, swollen person, I would probably do it. But I'm not sure I could even form a ball right now. Most of my body already looks like one anyway so maybe I'll just go stand in a corner and cry.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Yep, it's about time to freak out
Ok, so I have an overactive imagination. Sometimes that's been pretty useful in my life. But for the most part, it's been annoying.
So I'm less than 3 weeks away now and after my appointment this week, I'm getting worried that I won't make it to June 8. And I am so not ready for this baby to come.
I'm freaking out, like really freaking out, to the point I feel like crying and throwing a gigantic temper tantrum. I can't remember what I learned in my childbirth class about when I need to go to the hospital because you don't go immediately when you go into labor. They recommend you stay home and they have this code thing, 5-1-1, that tells you when to go to the hospital and I don't remember what that means!
Right this minute, I'm internally freaking out about Allen being gone this weekend because Murphy's Law is that it will happen this weekend. Corbin will get a spanking if he tries to come this weekend and Allen misses him being born! I really didn't think it'd bother me so much for him to be gone. It's only for one night and I know it's a much needed trip for him but now that it's here, I am so scared. I'll probably scare myself right into labor.
The room is still not done. But that's not really that big of a deal. What's worse is that I have not packed my hospital bags, I have not packed Corbin's stuff. I also don't have any of his clothes washed yet, none of his stuff is out yet and his cradle is full of baby stuff. Oh yeah and we still don't have a crib.
Oh yeah and then the actual process of labor is really freaking me out. I don't like doctors and I don't like being half naked in front of people and I don't like pain so I don't think I will like the labor process. And I just find it hard to believe a baby is going to come out of the place it comes out. I just think it's impossible. And now that I know my baby is a big, fat baby, that makes it worse.
So see, I'm freaking out. Really freaking out. I am in the process of having a panic attack just typing this. I don't know what I was thinking but I was not meant to do this labor thing. I just wasn't. It's not in my DNA. I could die or worse, I could live and have the baby and then have to come back and read how ridiculously freaked out I was. Then I'd feel really stupid.
So I'm less than 3 weeks away now and after my appointment this week, I'm getting worried that I won't make it to June 8. And I am so not ready for this baby to come.
I'm freaking out, like really freaking out, to the point I feel like crying and throwing a gigantic temper tantrum. I can't remember what I learned in my childbirth class about when I need to go to the hospital because you don't go immediately when you go into labor. They recommend you stay home and they have this code thing, 5-1-1, that tells you when to go to the hospital and I don't remember what that means!
Right this minute, I'm internally freaking out about Allen being gone this weekend because Murphy's Law is that it will happen this weekend. Corbin will get a spanking if he tries to come this weekend and Allen misses him being born! I really didn't think it'd bother me so much for him to be gone. It's only for one night and I know it's a much needed trip for him but now that it's here, I am so scared. I'll probably scare myself right into labor.
The room is still not done. But that's not really that big of a deal. What's worse is that I have not packed my hospital bags, I have not packed Corbin's stuff. I also don't have any of his clothes washed yet, none of his stuff is out yet and his cradle is full of baby stuff. Oh yeah and we still don't have a crib.
Oh yeah and then the actual process of labor is really freaking me out. I don't like doctors and I don't like being half naked in front of people and I don't like pain so I don't think I will like the labor process. And I just find it hard to believe a baby is going to come out of the place it comes out. I just think it's impossible. And now that I know my baby is a big, fat baby, that makes it worse.
So see, I'm freaking out. Really freaking out. I am in the process of having a panic attack just typing this. I don't know what I was thinking but I was not meant to do this labor thing. I just wasn't. It's not in my DNA. I could die or worse, I could live and have the baby and then have to come back and read how ridiculously freaked out I was. Then I'd feel really stupid.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Still a boy, a really big boy
So, I went to the doctor this morning and discovered two things; 1, Corbin is still a boy! and 2, Corbin looks like a sumo wrestler.
Now, I would have bet my life that my little boy wasn't a fat baby, that he was just long legged. The first ultrasounds we had showed that he was really long. He had his daddy's legs, his daddy's nose, etc, etc. He truly looked like Allen. And even though that was months ago, I never imagined he could change so much! So today, when they pulled up the ultrasound and there was this fat little face staring back at me, I was shocked!! I couldn't really tell if he's still long legged because he was scrunched up and I never got a full profile view of him but his face definitely caught up with the big nose he had! Now he has a little, cute nose and a big face!
I still love him though, even if he may kill me during labor.
Seriously, Corbin is still a healthy little boy. The doctor said he's just measuring a little big. But, he said I have a lot more amniotic fluid around him that typical so that could make him measure larger. But looking at him, I don't think so. I think I just have me a big ole, fat, healthy baby! The doctor said he is 7 pounds and 12 ounces and with 3 more weeks to go and the potential to gain half a pound a week, he could get pretty close to 9 pounds! Oh my!
But the first thing that crossed my mind when we first saw his face was that he looked like my dad. Allen thought so too because that's the first thing he said. But after the initial shock, which was like hours later, we started to look closer and we can sort of see both of us in him. But we still see my dad! My dad was a chunky little boy, a miniature sumo wrestler. My dad is still a big fella today and well, Corbin's mom isn't exactly model material. But MAN, I was hoping Corbin got his dad's tall and skinny genes. There's still a chance. I mean, he's a baby and most baby's are chunky. All they do is eat and sleep! But poor Corbin, Allen is going to be forcing him to crawl at just a few weeks old to ensure he's active. I can see it now! Poor Corbin, my big ole baby boy.
Now, I would have bet my life that my little boy wasn't a fat baby, that he was just long legged. The first ultrasounds we had showed that he was really long. He had his daddy's legs, his daddy's nose, etc, etc. He truly looked like Allen. And even though that was months ago, I never imagined he could change so much! So today, when they pulled up the ultrasound and there was this fat little face staring back at me, I was shocked!! I couldn't really tell if he's still long legged because he was scrunched up and I never got a full profile view of him but his face definitely caught up with the big nose he had! Now he has a little, cute nose and a big face!
I still love him though, even if he may kill me during labor.
Seriously, Corbin is still a healthy little boy. The doctor said he's just measuring a little big. But, he said I have a lot more amniotic fluid around him that typical so that could make him measure larger. But looking at him, I don't think so. I think I just have me a big ole, fat, healthy baby! The doctor said he is 7 pounds and 12 ounces and with 3 more weeks to go and the potential to gain half a pound a week, he could get pretty close to 9 pounds! Oh my!
But the first thing that crossed my mind when we first saw his face was that he looked like my dad. Allen thought so too because that's the first thing he said. But after the initial shock, which was like hours later, we started to look closer and we can sort of see both of us in him. But we still see my dad! My dad was a chunky little boy, a miniature sumo wrestler. My dad is still a big fella today and well, Corbin's mom isn't exactly model material. But MAN, I was hoping Corbin got his dad's tall and skinny genes. There's still a chance. I mean, he's a baby and most baby's are chunky. All they do is eat and sleep! But poor Corbin, Allen is going to be forcing him to crawl at just a few weeks old to ensure he's active. I can see it now! Poor Corbin, my big ole baby boy.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Priorities
Sometimes in life, you just have to sit down and weigh your options, really, truly weigh them. Sometimes, that means you may need to make a chart, make a list, talk it out, argue it out, whatever it takes to find out what is best for you and your family.
I've done all that and I still don't know.
I've prayed and waited for God to show me the way but I just can't seem to hear Him. Why can't He speak louder, so those clueless, less spiritual people, like myself, can hear. It would make things so much easier.
We're 3 weeks away from the big day. Of course, that could be more and it could be less. It really depends on when Corbin is ready to come but regardless he will be here soon and we still don't know what to do.
We were set on the theory that Allen would stay home with the baby and we would work hard to get his martial arts business going. He'd still work part-time. That would give him the flexibility to be home more and be able to be home with Corbin as he grows. But the truth is, financially, I don't think we can do it. We're struggling now. I can't imagine bringing a baby in the mix. Allen's looked for jobs. Full-time, part-time, one-time, everything in between. He can't find anything. But now, he has an opportunity to get a full-time job with good pay. The problem is, it's not a very stable company and it's over an hour away. Is it worth it?
We've looked at the cons; lots of gas expenses to drive that far, add on a daycare bill plus gas for me to drive back and forth for the dogs. That would take a chunk out of his paycheck. Then there's the fact Allen will be over an hour away if something were to happen. He'd miss out on a lot being so far away. The pros: good pay, a decent job (if there are no more layoffs) and well, that's about it.
The cons clearly outweigh the benefits.
It's important to both me and Allen that Corbin has one of us home with him. We knew going into this it may not happen but we also knew there was a chance it would. And yeah, it's been hard on me knowing I won't be that person to stay home but at the same time, I'm proud that my husband is willing to do it. He truly wants to be home with Corbin. It's hard on me also knowing that I'm going to have to provide for my family. And it will kill me to see that I can't provide for them in a way I want to.
But somehow, Allen and I have managed to get by all these years. I suppose will continue to manage.
It's all about priorities and our priority is ensuring Corbin has his parents around.
Allen didn't have that. His dad worked so much he never got to see him. And his parents didn't come to all his special events. My dad did. He came to everything and both Allen and I want to be able to do the same for Corbin. We want to be there. Sometimes, just being there means more than anything else.
So we're stuck with this decision. And we've both tried to turn to God to give us the answer but we can't seem to see what He's telling us. I hope we make the right decision and I hope it works out for the best, for all of us.
I've done all that and I still don't know.
I've prayed and waited for God to show me the way but I just can't seem to hear Him. Why can't He speak louder, so those clueless, less spiritual people, like myself, can hear. It would make things so much easier.
We're 3 weeks away from the big day. Of course, that could be more and it could be less. It really depends on when Corbin is ready to come but regardless he will be here soon and we still don't know what to do.
We were set on the theory that Allen would stay home with the baby and we would work hard to get his martial arts business going. He'd still work part-time. That would give him the flexibility to be home more and be able to be home with Corbin as he grows. But the truth is, financially, I don't think we can do it. We're struggling now. I can't imagine bringing a baby in the mix. Allen's looked for jobs. Full-time, part-time, one-time, everything in between. He can't find anything. But now, he has an opportunity to get a full-time job with good pay. The problem is, it's not a very stable company and it's over an hour away. Is it worth it?
We've looked at the cons; lots of gas expenses to drive that far, add on a daycare bill plus gas for me to drive back and forth for the dogs. That would take a chunk out of his paycheck. Then there's the fact Allen will be over an hour away if something were to happen. He'd miss out on a lot being so far away. The pros: good pay, a decent job (if there are no more layoffs) and well, that's about it.
The cons clearly outweigh the benefits.
It's important to both me and Allen that Corbin has one of us home with him. We knew going into this it may not happen but we also knew there was a chance it would. And yeah, it's been hard on me knowing I won't be that person to stay home but at the same time, I'm proud that my husband is willing to do it. He truly wants to be home with Corbin. It's hard on me also knowing that I'm going to have to provide for my family. And it will kill me to see that I can't provide for them in a way I want to.
But somehow, Allen and I have managed to get by all these years. I suppose will continue to manage.
It's all about priorities and our priority is ensuring Corbin has his parents around.
Allen didn't have that. His dad worked so much he never got to see him. And his parents didn't come to all his special events. My dad did. He came to everything and both Allen and I want to be able to do the same for Corbin. We want to be there. Sometimes, just being there means more than anything else.
So we're stuck with this decision. And we've both tried to turn to God to give us the answer but we can't seem to see what He's telling us. I hope we make the right decision and I hope it works out for the best, for all of us.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Monster baby
So, I have a headache. It's called a stress headache. I get them when I get worried about something, like obsessively worried. So what am I worried about? Giving birth to a gigantic, monster baby.
Yes, a monster baby.
Childbirth frightens me anyway. I still find it hard to believe a woman's body can do the whole childbirth thing but women do it everyday and that's what has gotten me by. But now, I'm 4 weeks away from trying this childbirth thing for myself and I find out I have a giant baby.
Today was my last doctor's appointment before I start going every, single week. And today, they had to do some of their typical testing to ensure I don't have anything I can pass on to the baby. So I went to the doctor a little freaked out anyway because I don't like to be touched or groped by doctors. Prior to the uncomfortable testing, the lady, who was really nice by the way, feels my stomach and measures it. She's feeling to see if she can feel where the baby is. Then she asks Allen and I how big we were when we were born. Allen said he was like 8 pounds and 21 inches long. I couldn't remember so I told her I didn't know. Well, then the lady said that my little Corbin seems to be mighty big, adding that I have 4 weeks left for him to grow some. She decides that at my next appointment, we'll get an ultrasound done so we can just how big he is. He could just be the position he was in, she said, but they'll do an ultrasound to be sure. I was in such shock, I failed to ask what exactly him being big meant. Obviously, to me, being big means a lot of pain for me!
Now, I'm worried. I probably shouldn't be but I am. The doctor isn't going to tell me she's worried about his size and worried something is wrong so I wonder if there's something wrong. But even still, if he's a big ole monster baby, then I am in for a fun filled time of pushing this little baby out. And of course, this was all done AFTER I told her I wanted to try to give birth WITHOUT MEDICATIONS!!!! OH good Lord, imagine, giving birth to a gorilla without being drugged up. What was I thinking!?!?
So now, I'm freaking out about how big this little boy is inside of me. I'm excited that I get another ultrasound though because I get to see my little baby but at the same time, if he's ginormous, I may cry, like seriously cry.
My thoughts are that he's really not big in weight per say, but he's actually just really long. Our first ultrasounds, which were done in February, showed he had really long legs so I imagine that's still the case. He probably just has long legs and because of that, he's stretched out in my belly, from the bottom of my bladder to the very tip top of my rib cage. So it is very possible that he's not BIG, he's just tall, like his daddy and his granddaddy.
But nonetheless, I have a headache thinking about how horrible childbirth could be if I had to give birth to a sumo wrestler baby. That would not be a good first-time experience for me and it may cause me to say, "no more kids ever!" and that sucks because we do want at least one more!
OH well, I can't go back now so I better get used to it and get ready because if he is a big and tall baby, in another week or so, his foot could be coming out of my nose.
Yes, a monster baby.
Childbirth frightens me anyway. I still find it hard to believe a woman's body can do the whole childbirth thing but women do it everyday and that's what has gotten me by. But now, I'm 4 weeks away from trying this childbirth thing for myself and I find out I have a giant baby.
Today was my last doctor's appointment before I start going every, single week. And today, they had to do some of their typical testing to ensure I don't have anything I can pass on to the baby. So I went to the doctor a little freaked out anyway because I don't like to be touched or groped by doctors. Prior to the uncomfortable testing, the lady, who was really nice by the way, feels my stomach and measures it. She's feeling to see if she can feel where the baby is. Then she asks Allen and I how big we were when we were born. Allen said he was like 8 pounds and 21 inches long. I couldn't remember so I told her I didn't know. Well, then the lady said that my little Corbin seems to be mighty big, adding that I have 4 weeks left for him to grow some. She decides that at my next appointment, we'll get an ultrasound done so we can just how big he is. He could just be the position he was in, she said, but they'll do an ultrasound to be sure. I was in such shock, I failed to ask what exactly him being big meant. Obviously, to me, being big means a lot of pain for me!
Now, I'm worried. I probably shouldn't be but I am. The doctor isn't going to tell me she's worried about his size and worried something is wrong so I wonder if there's something wrong. But even still, if he's a big ole monster baby, then I am in for a fun filled time of pushing this little baby out. And of course, this was all done AFTER I told her I wanted to try to give birth WITHOUT MEDICATIONS!!!! OH good Lord, imagine, giving birth to a gorilla without being drugged up. What was I thinking!?!?
So now, I'm freaking out about how big this little boy is inside of me. I'm excited that I get another ultrasound though because I get to see my little baby but at the same time, if he's ginormous, I may cry, like seriously cry.
My thoughts are that he's really not big in weight per say, but he's actually just really long. Our first ultrasounds, which were done in February, showed he had really long legs so I imagine that's still the case. He probably just has long legs and because of that, he's stretched out in my belly, from the bottom of my bladder to the very tip top of my rib cage. So it is very possible that he's not BIG, he's just tall, like his daddy and his granddaddy.
But nonetheless, I have a headache thinking about how horrible childbirth could be if I had to give birth to a sumo wrestler baby. That would not be a good first-time experience for me and it may cause me to say, "no more kids ever!" and that sucks because we do want at least one more!
OH well, I can't go back now so I better get used to it and get ready because if he is a big and tall baby, in another week or so, his foot could be coming out of my nose.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Another twist, another turn
Just when I accept one part of my fate, something happens and I have to readjust. But it's all good. Things will work out as God intends and I'm just going to let it happen as it happens. It's going to be hard because I'm a planner and don't like surprises but I can't plan everything and I accept that.
On another note, I only have 4 more weeks before the baby comes! Holy tornado! I'll be a momma in 4 weeks. What the heck am I gonna do? The baby's room isn't done still but God willing, it will be soon, VERY SOON I HOPE. I mean, we only have 4 more weeks.
I have 3 showers over the next week. Saturday, my momma is throwing us a shower. It's a little awkward since our relationship has just begun but I'm happy she's trying to hard to make up for lost time. I still have trouble looking at her as my momma and I probably always will but I think eventually, our relationship will be a little better and I'll be able to somewhat forgive her for the 28 years she wasn't around. It's complicated and I know my dad and grandmother, or any of my family for that matter, may not understand but I have this bitter hatred in my heart and I believe God wants me to forgive her and move on and I can't do that without having a relationship with her. But she will never take my dad's place or my grandma's place. They are my parents and they always will be. I never thought I'd see the day where we even had a relationship so I'm grateful that God has came into her heart and touched it and made her a better person. And I hope he continues to teach me how to forgive.
My BPW group is throwing me a shower on Monday, at least I think. I got an email saying they were. And my work is throwing me one on Friday. I'm touched so many people want to share in this experience. I've had so many people ask about the baby when I'm out and about and there have even been some who have brought presents.
One lady that I had met only once hand knitted Corbin a little blue blanket. It's really nice and I was so touched that she took the time to do it. Another lady bought Corbin a bunch of outfits. And then someone else I know through work gave me a bunch of stuff that she had with her babies, even a really nice stroller carseat combo. I really am humbled that so many people have been so sweet to Allen and I. We need all the help we can get! I am so appreciative for everything; the gifts, the well wishes, everything! It makes me so glad I live in such a great place and work with such great, caring people.
On another note, I only have 4 more weeks before the baby comes! Holy tornado! I'll be a momma in 4 weeks. What the heck am I gonna do? The baby's room isn't done still but God willing, it will be soon, VERY SOON I HOPE. I mean, we only have 4 more weeks.
I have 3 showers over the next week. Saturday, my momma is throwing us a shower. It's a little awkward since our relationship has just begun but I'm happy she's trying to hard to make up for lost time. I still have trouble looking at her as my momma and I probably always will but I think eventually, our relationship will be a little better and I'll be able to somewhat forgive her for the 28 years she wasn't around. It's complicated and I know my dad and grandmother, or any of my family for that matter, may not understand but I have this bitter hatred in my heart and I believe God wants me to forgive her and move on and I can't do that without having a relationship with her. But she will never take my dad's place or my grandma's place. They are my parents and they always will be. I never thought I'd see the day where we even had a relationship so I'm grateful that God has came into her heart and touched it and made her a better person. And I hope he continues to teach me how to forgive.
My BPW group is throwing me a shower on Monday, at least I think. I got an email saying they were. And my work is throwing me one on Friday. I'm touched so many people want to share in this experience. I've had so many people ask about the baby when I'm out and about and there have even been some who have brought presents.
One lady that I had met only once hand knitted Corbin a little blue blanket. It's really nice and I was so touched that she took the time to do it. Another lady bought Corbin a bunch of outfits. And then someone else I know through work gave me a bunch of stuff that she had with her babies, even a really nice stroller carseat combo. I really am humbled that so many people have been so sweet to Allen and I. We need all the help we can get! I am so appreciative for everything; the gifts, the well wishes, everything! It makes me so glad I live in such a great place and work with such great, caring people.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mother's Day
I spent a couple hours of my Mother's Day doubled over in pain. I even cried it was so bad. And still, I have no idea what this pain was. I blame it on the Blooming Festival.
On Saturday, I covered the Blooming Festival. Allen always goes with me and this year, he was prepared to take over for me at anytime to ensure I didn't overdo it. I felt pretty good that day so I worked. I took pics and did what I normally did. I may have even stayed longer this year than I usually do. When I was done, I was tired but I felt good. I felt like I had reached my limit but hadn't overdone it. The only thing I had done wrong was forget to bring sunscreen and of course, I got burnt.
When I got home Saturday, I took a nap for maybe an hour or two. Allen decided to cut some grass so me and the girls napped. When I got up, I took them out and we played. Then I came in and cooked dinner. Allen ended up getting a really bad headache, probably from being out in the sun too much so he couldn't work on the house. Instead, he went to lay down. I stayed up and watched some TV and finally went to bed around 11 or 2. At 3:30 a.m., I woke up to use the bathroom. I noticed that I had this odd pain in my right side of my stomach. But I went back to bed and tossed and turned and tossed and turned and around 6, got up again to use the bathroom and noticed the pain was worse. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. By 7, I was hurting so bad I was crying and Allen was calling my doctor's emergency number. Neither of us knew what was going on, only that it had been going on for over 3 hours. I didn't think I was in labor but then again, I don't know what being in labor feels like. I just know it hurts and this hurt!!! But it was in my side so I was pretty sure I wasn't having little Corbin just yet.
Of course, the doctor said what I expected; take some Tylenol. They said I could have pulled a muscle or something like that. I had no idea pulled muscles hurt like that! I still can't believe that's what it is but anyway......I put a heating pad on my side, took some Tylenol and laid back down. I dozed off for another 2 hours and when I woke up, the pain had went away some. So, I got up and got dressed and Allen and I, and our two girls, headed to Bethel.
We got to church like 5 minutes late and had to sit on the second row!!! I never sit in the front in church. I'm a Baptist, ya know!! But it was a good thing since I had to get up in the middle of church to use the bathroom. I hadn't even been there for 15 minutes when the stupid side pain came back. It wasn't as bad this time but it was bad. I couldn't even stand up to sing. At the end of church, walking back to the car, it hit me full force and I couldn't hardly walk. Allen helped me to the car and into my grandma's house.
I thought it would go away soon so I snuck into my grandma's room and laid on her couch while everyone else was getting ready for lunch. She was in her bathroom changing and when she came out, she saw me on the couch holding my side in tears. LOL She probably thinks I'm the biggest baby but I'm telling you, it hurt!!!! It was like that for at least an hour. But after a while it went away and I just had an ache the rest of the day. It never came back. So I did eventually get to enjoy Mother's Day.
I love my grandma. She's awesome. My momma is giving me a baby shower this Saturday. It's weird because who is she going to invite??? And it's weird because we are just starting to get to know one another and I am having trouble adjusting. My grandma raised me. She's my momma. My real mom invited my grandma and my aunts to the shower and they were going to go but have other things going on and can't. Mama Ruth is refusing to go without my aunts. And her reasoning was funny. My mom is not my grandma's favorite person. Not only did she break her son's (my dad's) heart, she has broken my heart time and time again. I don't think my grandma fully believes she's changed. But even thinking that, she is somewhat happy that my mom and I have a relationship now. And she understands why I'm allowing her in my life after so many years. But anyway, my grandma said she hadn't seen my mom in 28 years, why would she want to see her now?? Truly, I think Mama Ruth wants to go but I think she's scared of going without "backup." But I need some backup too so I'm a little worried about none of my family being there and I'll be at a shower with a bunch of people I don't know. But Allen's going so it'll be okay. But, Mama Ruth is sending a present! LOL She wants to make sure my mom knows she got me a present! And she already showed it to me and I'm excited. It's 2 UNC outfits for the baby! See, she's awesome and I love her so much!
Anyway, we spent the rest of our afternoon with Allen's mom. Luckily, I felt okay during our time there and we got to spend time with Allen's parents and 2 of our nephews. I know Allen enjoyed getting to see them.
So Mother's Day was awesome and Corbin even got me a cute little froggy. Not sure how he did that but I like it, nonetheless!
On Saturday, I covered the Blooming Festival. Allen always goes with me and this year, he was prepared to take over for me at anytime to ensure I didn't overdo it. I felt pretty good that day so I worked. I took pics and did what I normally did. I may have even stayed longer this year than I usually do. When I was done, I was tired but I felt good. I felt like I had reached my limit but hadn't overdone it. The only thing I had done wrong was forget to bring sunscreen and of course, I got burnt.
When I got home Saturday, I took a nap for maybe an hour or two. Allen decided to cut some grass so me and the girls napped. When I got up, I took them out and we played. Then I came in and cooked dinner. Allen ended up getting a really bad headache, probably from being out in the sun too much so he couldn't work on the house. Instead, he went to lay down. I stayed up and watched some TV and finally went to bed around 11 or 2. At 3:30 a.m., I woke up to use the bathroom. I noticed that I had this odd pain in my right side of my stomach. But I went back to bed and tossed and turned and tossed and turned and around 6, got up again to use the bathroom and noticed the pain was worse. I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. By 7, I was hurting so bad I was crying and Allen was calling my doctor's emergency number. Neither of us knew what was going on, only that it had been going on for over 3 hours. I didn't think I was in labor but then again, I don't know what being in labor feels like. I just know it hurts and this hurt!!! But it was in my side so I was pretty sure I wasn't having little Corbin just yet.
Of course, the doctor said what I expected; take some Tylenol. They said I could have pulled a muscle or something like that. I had no idea pulled muscles hurt like that! I still can't believe that's what it is but anyway......I put a heating pad on my side, took some Tylenol and laid back down. I dozed off for another 2 hours and when I woke up, the pain had went away some. So, I got up and got dressed and Allen and I, and our two girls, headed to Bethel.
We got to church like 5 minutes late and had to sit on the second row!!! I never sit in the front in church. I'm a Baptist, ya know!! But it was a good thing since I had to get up in the middle of church to use the bathroom. I hadn't even been there for 15 minutes when the stupid side pain came back. It wasn't as bad this time but it was bad. I couldn't even stand up to sing. At the end of church, walking back to the car, it hit me full force and I couldn't hardly walk. Allen helped me to the car and into my grandma's house.
I thought it would go away soon so I snuck into my grandma's room and laid on her couch while everyone else was getting ready for lunch. She was in her bathroom changing and when she came out, she saw me on the couch holding my side in tears. LOL She probably thinks I'm the biggest baby but I'm telling you, it hurt!!!! It was like that for at least an hour. But after a while it went away and I just had an ache the rest of the day. It never came back. So I did eventually get to enjoy Mother's Day.
I love my grandma. She's awesome. My momma is giving me a baby shower this Saturday. It's weird because who is she going to invite??? And it's weird because we are just starting to get to know one another and I am having trouble adjusting. My grandma raised me. She's my momma. My real mom invited my grandma and my aunts to the shower and they were going to go but have other things going on and can't. Mama Ruth is refusing to go without my aunts. And her reasoning was funny. My mom is not my grandma's favorite person. Not only did she break her son's (my dad's) heart, she has broken my heart time and time again. I don't think my grandma fully believes she's changed. But even thinking that, she is somewhat happy that my mom and I have a relationship now. And she understands why I'm allowing her in my life after so many years. But anyway, my grandma said she hadn't seen my mom in 28 years, why would she want to see her now?? Truly, I think Mama Ruth wants to go but I think she's scared of going without "backup." But I need some backup too so I'm a little worried about none of my family being there and I'll be at a shower with a bunch of people I don't know. But Allen's going so it'll be okay. But, Mama Ruth is sending a present! LOL She wants to make sure my mom knows she got me a present! And she already showed it to me and I'm excited. It's 2 UNC outfits for the baby! See, she's awesome and I love her so much!
Anyway, we spent the rest of our afternoon with Allen's mom. Luckily, I felt okay during our time there and we got to spend time with Allen's parents and 2 of our nephews. I know Allen enjoyed getting to see them.
So Mother's Day was awesome and Corbin even got me a cute little froggy. Not sure how he did that but I like it, nonetheless!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
My hubby
There are some days where I love my husband so much I can hardly stand it! And then there are other days where I want to rip his face off! But more often than not, I love him.
That's what 7 years of marriage will do for you, I guess.
I am a lucky girl, I admit it. Both Allen and I put up with a lot from each other. I think that's what makes us fit so well. And Allen does a lot for me that I probably don't even acknowledge anymore because I'm so used to it. He opens my car door for me almost every time. He still holds my hand when we are out and about and he's just an all out gentleman. I like that about him. I hope he's always like that. I think since he's still like that after 7 years, he'll always be like that but I guess we'll see. Hopefully a little baby won't interfere with our holding hands but it may!
Our relationship hasn't been easy. We've really had to fight to make it work. But marriage isn't supposed to be easy.
In the end, I can't imagine not having Allen in my life.
This pregnancy has really helped me see how lucky I am. Allen has not missed one single doctor's appointment. He's been to every, single thing baby related, all the doctor's appointments, showers. He's helped me register and actually wanted to do it. He's helped pick out the colors for the baby's room, the crib, everything! He's just as into this as I am and I am glad. I wouldn't want to do this by myself and it is his baby too.
But aside from those things, he's also been right there through the bad things as well. He's been there when I had my head in the toilet, no matter what time of day or night it was. He made sure I had food and fluids when I was too sick and tired to get out of bed. Even now, when I am feeling pretty good, he makes sure me and the baby have what we need. He's been there through the really awful migraines, the mood swings, the frustrations with the house. He's just been there and though sometimes there's not much he can do, just him being there means a lot to me.
I'd like to think all men are like that but I bet they aren't.
So even though I complain about Allen sometimes in this space, I do love him and appreciate him. And I feel like a very lucky girl.
That's what 7 years of marriage will do for you, I guess.
I am a lucky girl, I admit it. Both Allen and I put up with a lot from each other. I think that's what makes us fit so well. And Allen does a lot for me that I probably don't even acknowledge anymore because I'm so used to it. He opens my car door for me almost every time. He still holds my hand when we are out and about and he's just an all out gentleman. I like that about him. I hope he's always like that. I think since he's still like that after 7 years, he'll always be like that but I guess we'll see. Hopefully a little baby won't interfere with our holding hands but it may!
Our relationship hasn't been easy. We've really had to fight to make it work. But marriage isn't supposed to be easy.
In the end, I can't imagine not having Allen in my life.
This pregnancy has really helped me see how lucky I am. Allen has not missed one single doctor's appointment. He's been to every, single thing baby related, all the doctor's appointments, showers. He's helped me register and actually wanted to do it. He's helped pick out the colors for the baby's room, the crib, everything! He's just as into this as I am and I am glad. I wouldn't want to do this by myself and it is his baby too.
But aside from those things, he's also been right there through the bad things as well. He's been there when I had my head in the toilet, no matter what time of day or night it was. He made sure I had food and fluids when I was too sick and tired to get out of bed. Even now, when I am feeling pretty good, he makes sure me and the baby have what we need. He's been there through the really awful migraines, the mood swings, the frustrations with the house. He's just been there and though sometimes there's not much he can do, just him being there means a lot to me.
I'd like to think all men are like that but I bet they aren't.
So even though I complain about Allen sometimes in this space, I do love him and appreciate him. And I feel like a very lucky girl.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Mother's Day
It's strange to think this will be my last Mother's Day as a non-mother. Next year, I will be getting hugs and kisses from my little boy. Now, Allen, on the other hand will be a daddy by time Father's Day rolls around though I'm not sure neither Corbin nor I will be able to do much for him. I'm sure we'll think of something though. Maybe Corbin will not cry for a whole night for Allen for Father's Day! Maybe I won't either!
Being a mom is scary. I didn't have a mom growing up. Well, I had mothering-types there but my mom wasn't there for me. It was hard but I know I was blessed to have women in my life that were there for me when I needed them. But still, I've always wondered if I'd know how to be a mother. I feel like I'd be a good daddy. I know a lot about sports and tough stuff like that. But mommy stuff?? Not so much. But maybe I'll surprise myself. This whole pregnancy has already surprised me a lot. I can already tell that mothering instinct is there. So we'll see....
But Mother's Day will be so much different for me now. I used to hate mother's day. I never realized how lucky I was to have the "mothers" I had until I was older so when I was little, Mother's Day served as a reminder to me of what I didn't have. Now, it reminds me of how lucky I am to have had women in my life to be there for me like a mother. Starting next year though, I will be a mother and I can sit on my throne for a whole day and be celebrated. Awesome!!!
Being a mom is scary. I didn't have a mom growing up. Well, I had mothering-types there but my mom wasn't there for me. It was hard but I know I was blessed to have women in my life that were there for me when I needed them. But still, I've always wondered if I'd know how to be a mother. I feel like I'd be a good daddy. I know a lot about sports and tough stuff like that. But mommy stuff?? Not so much. But maybe I'll surprise myself. This whole pregnancy has already surprised me a lot. I can already tell that mothering instinct is there. So we'll see....
But Mother's Day will be so much different for me now. I used to hate mother's day. I never realized how lucky I was to have the "mothers" I had until I was older so when I was little, Mother's Day served as a reminder to me of what I didn't have. Now, it reminds me of how lucky I am to have had women in my life to be there for me like a mother. Starting next year though, I will be a mother and I can sit on my throne for a whole day and be celebrated. Awesome!!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Anger and Pain
Well, I had an interesting weekend. On Friday night, I covered Nash County's Relay for Life. I enjoy covering this little event because it's nice to see so many people gather together for one cause. Everyone gets along and is happy and there is always something exciting to see. Usually Allen goes with me but this year, he didn't. At first, I was okay with that because he was supposed to be working on the house and his dad had come over to help him. Now, I've been pregnant for 8 months and his dad has not once come over to help the poor boy. And he needs help. So I was excited that they were going to get our house wired.
Part of the plan for that day was that they'd also get a little fishing in as well. I was okay with that too because they were going to a fishing spot that I believed they would be able to conquer pretty quickly and I had no doubt Allen would make sure our house was the priority. But, apparently, I am the only one in this entire country that realizes that we are only like 6 weeks away from having a baby.
So Allen and his dad didn't even touch the house. They didn't work on it at all. And quite frankly, I was pissed off. I had a mental breakdown and I exploded and I'm not ashamed either. I've been patiently sitting by Allen's side watching him work on our house, hardly ever saying anything about how long it's taking, hardly ever complaining about how much I hate our house. But there's only so much a woman can hold in. So after Relay, I discovered that Allen and his dad were still fishing and hanging out. Seriously, I was pissed, like if it hadn't been a phone call that I discovered this on, someone would have gotten slapped.
My husband has been working on just the baby's room for 7 months now. He has no job, well he does work part-time (like 10 hours a week), so there's really no excuse for him not to be finished with SOMETHING by now. Not only that, in the months we've been working hard to get this room finished, there have been very few people that have offered to help us. We are on a tight timeline and he needs help. I've helped when I could but I'm not allowed to do much right now. Allen said he's asked every man he knows to help and he's gotten a response from like 4. Only 1 of those 4 have actually helped. You would think his own dad would help, especially after Allen has driven down there a billion times to help his family out. I can't even begin to describe the anger I felt on Friday when I found out his dad had promised to help him and then conned him into fishing ALL day. I'm getting angry all over again just remembering.
So anyway, that was Friday. It made for a miserable night, especially for Allen who had to deal with my anger. I just don't think he understands how close we are and he definitely doesn't understand my need to "nest" and not being able to do so because the room isn't done!!!
On Saturday, I woke up still pissed off. Allen and I went to Lowes to pick up some things for the house and for the most part, we worked on the house all day long. Well Allen did. He was sanding and I can't be around that so I couldn't help. But he got the entire room sanded and he stayed up until 4 in the morning. Around 1 a.m., he had to take a break to run to Wal-Mart to pick me up some Tylenol because I was going through a horrific migraine headache. This was the worst one I've had in a while. I was throwing up and I could hear EVERYTHING and it made me want to rip my head off. But eventually, I got some drugs down and a heating pad on my head and neck and I was able to fall asleep. I woke up with just a minor after effect but on Sunday it was for the most part, gone.
Now, on to Sunday. We got a lot done to the house that day too. Allen got one of the windows framed in and got molding put on it. I got the closet painted and the rest of the room now has its blue paint on it. All that's left is the brown paint. We still didn't get enough done, or at least what I thought we'd do but hopefully Allen will get a swift kick in the you-know-what and realize we have a baby coming in 5 weeks now and this room is not the only one we have to tackle.
On Sunday, I managed to fall down. It was lovely. I had taken the dogs outside to play. Abby went into a little group of bushes/trees and was sniffing and digging around, which is not unusual for her. Sheba was just sitting outside, enjoying the hot sun. I kept hearing this squealing noise but couldn't figure out what it was. I started to walk over to Abby and then Sheba started running towards where Abby was. That's when I realized the squealing was coming from whatever Abby was digging. I assumed Abby had found an animal and was hurting it. My first thought was it was a mole because we have issues with moles in our yard. I started yelling at Abby to stop because I didn't want her to kill it. Then I look behind Abby and see this monster rabbit racing towards Abby and I realize it's not a mole, but it's a rabbit's nest Abby has found. The rabbit stops and I talk Abby into coming towards me, hoping she won't see the big rabbit. At first, she doesn't, then she does so she takes off after it. I start screaming for her to stop and I fear she will chase the stupid rabbit all the way into the woods so I attempt to run towards the house to get Allen so he can help me. I barely got started running when I fell. And yes, I fell right on my big, fat, pregnant stomach.
As I was going down, I thought about the baby and how I couldn't let him get hurt so I put my arms out to catch myself. But, instead of catching myself, I elbow my upper stomach really hard. It hurt really bad. I scream in pain, roll over and then realize that I still need to get Allen so I go to the window and start yelling for Allen. God knows what he thought was going on but I know I probably freaked him out. Once he realized I had fallen down, he was mad, mad at me, mad at Abby, mad at everybody. He was especially mad that I had fallen down trying to save baby rabbits.
Soooo, Allen goes to the nest and finds one little baby. It's not hurt at all. Apparently, Abby just sniffed it and poked it with her nose trying to figure out what it was. But it wasn't hurt at all. We took it inside wondering if the mama would come back for it. It was only a few weeks old and it was so cute!! My motherly instincts took over and I began to wonder how I could save this little baby. We ended up taking it back to the nest and reconfiguring the nest, hoping the mama would come back for it. There, we found 3 more babies. They were all unhurt too. But I, on the other hand, I was pretty hurt.
I think I jabbed myself right in the ribs. And I'm still hurting today. I called the doctor and he said if I wasn't bleeding, I was okay. So apparently, the baby is okay but I am not. The other bad news is the area that hurts is an area little Corbin likes to kick me in so every time he kicks me, I want to cry! So I guess I have to deal with this pain. If it continues for more than another day or two, I'm going to the doctor. Allen is worried I cracked a rib. I just think that maybe I bruised it. But either way it hurts.
So as you can see, I had a very exciting weekend, maybe even a little too exciting.
Part of the plan for that day was that they'd also get a little fishing in as well. I was okay with that too because they were going to a fishing spot that I believed they would be able to conquer pretty quickly and I had no doubt Allen would make sure our house was the priority. But, apparently, I am the only one in this entire country that realizes that we are only like 6 weeks away from having a baby.
So Allen and his dad didn't even touch the house. They didn't work on it at all. And quite frankly, I was pissed off. I had a mental breakdown and I exploded and I'm not ashamed either. I've been patiently sitting by Allen's side watching him work on our house, hardly ever saying anything about how long it's taking, hardly ever complaining about how much I hate our house. But there's only so much a woman can hold in. So after Relay, I discovered that Allen and his dad were still fishing and hanging out. Seriously, I was pissed, like if it hadn't been a phone call that I discovered this on, someone would have gotten slapped.
My husband has been working on just the baby's room for 7 months now. He has no job, well he does work part-time (like 10 hours a week), so there's really no excuse for him not to be finished with SOMETHING by now. Not only that, in the months we've been working hard to get this room finished, there have been very few people that have offered to help us. We are on a tight timeline and he needs help. I've helped when I could but I'm not allowed to do much right now. Allen said he's asked every man he knows to help and he's gotten a response from like 4. Only 1 of those 4 have actually helped. You would think his own dad would help, especially after Allen has driven down there a billion times to help his family out. I can't even begin to describe the anger I felt on Friday when I found out his dad had promised to help him and then conned him into fishing ALL day. I'm getting angry all over again just remembering.
So anyway, that was Friday. It made for a miserable night, especially for Allen who had to deal with my anger. I just don't think he understands how close we are and he definitely doesn't understand my need to "nest" and not being able to do so because the room isn't done!!!
On Saturday, I woke up still pissed off. Allen and I went to Lowes to pick up some things for the house and for the most part, we worked on the house all day long. Well Allen did. He was sanding and I can't be around that so I couldn't help. But he got the entire room sanded and he stayed up until 4 in the morning. Around 1 a.m., he had to take a break to run to Wal-Mart to pick me up some Tylenol because I was going through a horrific migraine headache. This was the worst one I've had in a while. I was throwing up and I could hear EVERYTHING and it made me want to rip my head off. But eventually, I got some drugs down and a heating pad on my head and neck and I was able to fall asleep. I woke up with just a minor after effect but on Sunday it was for the most part, gone.
Now, on to Sunday. We got a lot done to the house that day too. Allen got one of the windows framed in and got molding put on it. I got the closet painted and the rest of the room now has its blue paint on it. All that's left is the brown paint. We still didn't get enough done, or at least what I thought we'd do but hopefully Allen will get a swift kick in the you-know-what and realize we have a baby coming in 5 weeks now and this room is not the only one we have to tackle.
On Sunday, I managed to fall down. It was lovely. I had taken the dogs outside to play. Abby went into a little group of bushes/trees and was sniffing and digging around, which is not unusual for her. Sheba was just sitting outside, enjoying the hot sun. I kept hearing this squealing noise but couldn't figure out what it was. I started to walk over to Abby and then Sheba started running towards where Abby was. That's when I realized the squealing was coming from whatever Abby was digging. I assumed Abby had found an animal and was hurting it. My first thought was it was a mole because we have issues with moles in our yard. I started yelling at Abby to stop because I didn't want her to kill it. Then I look behind Abby and see this monster rabbit racing towards Abby and I realize it's not a mole, but it's a rabbit's nest Abby has found. The rabbit stops and I talk Abby into coming towards me, hoping she won't see the big rabbit. At first, she doesn't, then she does so she takes off after it. I start screaming for her to stop and I fear she will chase the stupid rabbit all the way into the woods so I attempt to run towards the house to get Allen so he can help me. I barely got started running when I fell. And yes, I fell right on my big, fat, pregnant stomach.
As I was going down, I thought about the baby and how I couldn't let him get hurt so I put my arms out to catch myself. But, instead of catching myself, I elbow my upper stomach really hard. It hurt really bad. I scream in pain, roll over and then realize that I still need to get Allen so I go to the window and start yelling for Allen. God knows what he thought was going on but I know I probably freaked him out. Once he realized I had fallen down, he was mad, mad at me, mad at Abby, mad at everybody. He was especially mad that I had fallen down trying to save baby rabbits.
Soooo, Allen goes to the nest and finds one little baby. It's not hurt at all. Apparently, Abby just sniffed it and poked it with her nose trying to figure out what it was. But it wasn't hurt at all. We took it inside wondering if the mama would come back for it. It was only a few weeks old and it was so cute!! My motherly instincts took over and I began to wonder how I could save this little baby. We ended up taking it back to the nest and reconfiguring the nest, hoping the mama would come back for it. There, we found 3 more babies. They were all unhurt too. But I, on the other hand, I was pretty hurt.
I think I jabbed myself right in the ribs. And I'm still hurting today. I called the doctor and he said if I wasn't bleeding, I was okay. So apparently, the baby is okay but I am not. The other bad news is the area that hurts is an area little Corbin likes to kick me in so every time he kicks me, I want to cry! So I guess I have to deal with this pain. If it continues for more than another day or two, I'm going to the doctor. Allen is worried I cracked a rib. I just think that maybe I bruised it. But either way it hurts.
So as you can see, I had a very exciting weekend, maybe even a little too exciting.
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