Priorities

Sometimes in life, you just have to sit down and weigh your options, really, truly weigh them. Sometimes, that means you may need to make a chart, make a list, talk it out, argue it out, whatever it takes to find out what is best for you and your family.

I've done all that and I still don't know.

I've prayed and waited for God to show me the way but I just can't seem to hear Him. Why can't He speak louder, so those clueless, less spiritual people, like myself, can hear. It would make things so much easier.

We're 3 weeks away from the big day. Of course, that could be more and it could be less. It really depends on when Corbin is ready to come but regardless he will be here soon and we still don't know what to do.

We were set on the theory that Allen would stay home with the baby and we would work hard to get his martial arts business going. He'd still work part-time. That would give him the flexibility to be home more and be able to be home with Corbin as he grows. But the truth is, financially, I don't think we can do it. We're struggling now. I can't imagine bringing a baby in the mix. Allen's looked for jobs. Full-time, part-time, one-time, everything in between. He can't find anything. But now, he has an opportunity to get a full-time job with good pay. The problem is, it's not a very stable company and it's over an hour away. Is it worth it?

We've looked at the cons; lots of gas expenses to drive that far, add on a daycare bill plus gas for me to drive back and forth for the dogs. That would take a chunk out of his paycheck. Then there's the fact Allen will be over an hour away if something were to happen. He'd miss out on a lot being so far away. The pros: good pay, a decent job (if there are no more layoffs) and well, that's about it.

The cons clearly outweigh the benefits.

It's important to both me and Allen that Corbin has one of us home with him. We knew going into this it may not happen but we also knew there was a chance it would. And yeah, it's been hard on me knowing I won't be that person to stay home but at the same time, I'm proud that my husband is willing to do it. He truly wants to be home with Corbin. It's hard on me also knowing that I'm going to have to provide for my family. And it will kill me to see that I can't provide for them in a way I want to.

But somehow, Allen and I have managed to get by all these years. I suppose will continue to manage.

It's all about priorities and our priority is ensuring Corbin has his parents around.

Allen didn't have that. His dad worked so much he never got to see him. And his parents didn't come to all his special events. My dad did. He came to everything and both Allen and I want to be able to do the same for Corbin. We want to be there. Sometimes, just being there means more than anything else.

So we're stuck with this decision. And we've both tried to turn to God to give us the answer but we can't seem to see what He's telling us. I hope we make the right decision and I hope it works out for the best, for all of us.