Higher education and stuff..

It's hard to believe April is here. I've had a really hard time coming back here and posting stuff. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I just don't want to say it. 

But anyway, Allen and I celebrated our five-year anniversary last week and it was, well just another day. I did take the day off and Allen took the weekend off and we just hung out. We didn't do anything special, which kind of sucked but on the same token, it was nice to not have anything to do. 

I've been trying to get my brain wrapped around all the things I want to get done in my life. Last night I watched High School Musical 3. Yeah I know, it's odd for a 28-year-old to watch a teeny bopper show but there has been so much hype about that show, I had to see what it was all about so I rented the first and second and now of course, I couldn't just sit around and not see how it all ended. Anyway, it made me realize how much I've screwed my life up. I went to college but I didn't enjoy college. I didn't have fun. I didn't make any new lifelong friends, I never partied, I never did anything. And to make matters worse, all this time I was sitting around not partying, I certainly wasn't making straight A's. I was just there. 

I went through a hard time in college. It was a transition point for me and it was a transition I did not take well. I found myself during those years but in the end, I just kinda fell back into the routine, what was comfortable for me, but really what was comfortable for everyone else. 

Now, I'm approaching 29 years old and although I am writing, which was what I wanted to do, there are other things I wanted to accomplish before now. Getting my Master's Degree was one of those things. 

A lot of the reason is that I'm scared. Although I was an English major, I'm not one of those dorky people that remembers all the quotable lines from Shakespeare. I struggled to get through my English classes. I was put down more times than I can remember from wannabe writers that ended up teaching. They told me basically that I sucked and would never amount to anything as a writer. Assholes....It made me work harder though and I finished. But the thought of going back to college and having to deal with asshole professors again scares me. It's not that I can't take criticism. I get it quite often working in the newspaper business. I can handle constructive criticism but that's not what these professors offered. Even while I took a graduate level certificate course at UNC, I had one of those same professors. 

So there's the reality. I'm scared. And of course, I can't afford to take on another $20,000 in student loans to get a Master's Degree in Journalism or even English when careers in those fields barely pay. So I'm scared and the reality is, it's not really worth it.