The two people that were recognized were two of the first people I met when I started my job here. They are involved in a whole lot of things. Their volunteerism is certainly inspiring and you can't help but be inspired to be a better person. Which brings me to the point of this.
Next week will be the week of Jennifer's death two years ago. I've mentioned this before but I'm slowly getting my thoughts together for how I will spend this year remembering her.
Jennifer was much like the two people that were honored last night. If they are asked to do something, they will do it. Jennifer was like that too. All you had to do is ask. I strive each day to be more like Jennifer, to be a better person, but more importantly, a better friend.
I find myself sitting at home all alone quite often now that Jennifer is gone. The reality is she was really one of a few friends I had. I often hung out with her. I talked to her even more often. It never bothered me she was the only one I had to call or to hang out with, until of course, she was gone. Now, I'm left picking up the pieces and discovering how little I had.
It's taken me a long time to even want to get back on the wagon and try to form some friendships and start hanging out again. Even the people I've known forever and would hang out with from time to time were hard for me to call. But I've tried and each day, I try a little harder. Life without friends really does suck.
But anyway, next week, I want to honor Jennifer's memory and remember her in a positive way. I don't want to sit at home and be depressed. I want to do things that would make Jennifer proud. On Monday, I'm going to attempt to give blood. I've never given blood because I am absolutely terrified of needles. They make me feel like I'm going to pass out. But giving blood will be a stepping stone for me and it will be my attempt at giving back. I'm confident that I will not pass out but if I do, there will people there to give me a cookie and revive me, which is awesome because I love cookies!
I haven't planned much more of my week yet. Initially, I was going to get the scholarship thing going but that woman still has not called me back, which is really testing my patience. I'll probably email her again. I'm not letting this slip under the rug again. This will be done this year.
I do have a girl's night planned on Wednesday night with three of my cousins. I used to tell Jennifer and a couple of other girls that when we grew up I wanted us to have a girl's night once a week. My aunt does it with like 5 of her girlfriends every single week. There used to be like 10 girls that met but some moved or faded out or whatever. I decided that I thought that was the coolest thing ever and I vowed my friends would do that too when we got older. We never did although I talked about it a lot with Jennifer. I guess life got in the way and before we knew it, we were in our mid-20's and always had an excuse or something else to do. Now, it's too late, at least for Jennifer. I hope to find a way to still do it, even if it is with my cousins. They are, actually, like my best friends and I love hanging out with them.
Last year on the one-year anniversary of Jennifer's death, I went to a tattoo parlor with a friend to get a tattoo designed to remember Jennifer. We had every intention of getting the tattoos done but the stupid dude never called us back. I'm still debating whether or not to do it this year. If so, I'm not sure I'll do it on Jennifer's anniversary because I'm still not sure what I want. In middle or high school, I gave Jennifer half of a best friend heart. After she died, I found it so I thought I could get a tattoo of something like that, maybe with one half of the heart with angel wings on it flying up or something. I'm not 100% sure though. I'm still thinking about it. It's a pretty big decision.
I just want to make sure I don't spend this year all depressed about losing Jennifer but instead focus on making my life better because of her death. I want to remember Jennifer but not mourn her anymore.
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