Doctors

I have a fear of getting sick, not like getting a cold but like getting some terminal thing. I'm sure it's an unnecessary fear but it's a fear nonetheless.

I dislike doctors. I am not a touchy, feely person and I definitely don't like strangers poking and prodding me. The whole pregnancy thing was traumatic for me because I had a thousand doctor's appointments and I was poked and prodded a lot. Then the actual birth was, well you know, you're giving birth and it's very personal and private. So, unless I am pregnant, I do not do doctors. If I am sick, I take over the counter stuff and deal with it. But lately, there's been some other things going on and I'm afraid I'm going to have to do the whole doctor thing. Yuck.

I fell down in like October, November of last year. I fell right on my side. It was raining and I was at a fundraiser thing for my BPW group. I went outside to get my camera to take pictures for the paper and as I walked outside, the sidewalk was slippery and I fell. I jumped right up because I didn't want anyone to see me but it hurt! I thought I had just bruised my leg but a few days later, my hip started hurting. Now, like 6 months later, my hip is killing me. I can barely walk sometimes and at night, it kills me to lay on it. I think it's been long enough that if it were bruised or something in the fall, it would have healed so I'm afraid something is wrong.

The worse it gets, the more my mind wanders and starts fearing the worst. I keep thinking, what if it's cancer or something? See, I'm crazy like that. But not crazy enough to go to the doctor.

For over a year, I've been dealing with aching feet. It's both of my feet and it only hurts really late at night or early in the morning. But sometimes it's so bad, I can't walk. When I got pregnant, it went away but after Corbin was born it came back. I've been debating going to do the doctor for that too. But, I keep thinking the doctor will tell me I'm a fat cow and that of course my feet are going to hurt carrying my big, fat tail around all day. So I haven't went yet.

Now, of course, I have two issues, the hip and the feet, so at least if I go to the doctor I can get a two-for-one deal.

Corbin is almost a year old and that means it's time to start thinking about more children but obviously if I'm hurting this bad, I have to get that taken care of before I have any more kids.

Speaking of kids, I was ready for more as soon as Corbin popped out. It's funny, I used to dislike children and didn't want any, ever, and now, I want like 3 kids. Allen is the opposite. He wanted several and now that he has Corbin, he's okay with just Corbin. But he changes his mind a lot. When Corbin is good, he wants more and when Corbin is bad, he doesn't want anymore!

So, I'm at the point where Corbin is almost a year old and I feel it's time to have some more. But then I remember my whole fear of doctors touching me and I change my mind. I could seriously be bipolar. Or just plain crazy. But I'm definitely not going to the doctor to find that out!