Blessings

So, this whole depression thing isn't new to me. It's something I've dealt with my whole life. It's something I've, at times, control my life and other times, I've fought with everything I have and most of the time, I win.

Postpartum depression is similar yet different. I was able to deal with it when I had it with Corbin. But this time, it's been brutal and it's kicking my butt.

But, I'm a fighter and I'm not about to let this thing eat me alive.

Typically, I fight depression by forcing myself to reflect on the good in my life. It's easy to dwell on the bad when you are in this state of mind. So I think about how blessed I am. Yes, my life has a lot of tough times but I am blessed.

I have a roof over my head. Though it's a roof that needs to be a replaced and I can't afford to replace it right now, it IS a roof and it does keep my family safe at night.

Speaking of family, I have a great one. I didn't have a mom growing up but I had a dad whose number one priority in life was to raise me. That's admirable to me. It's something I am thankful for. I also had a grandmother who served as both my mom and grandma. And I had lots of others who played their parts in being a maternal figure in my life. It's still hard not having a mother in my life but I am thankful for the roles everyone played in trying to fill the shoes of mother.

Then there's my husband and two boys. They are what makes me get up everyday. Some days, I have trouble getting out of bed. Lately, I don't see the point. But then I hear Devin screaming his brains out and I'm reminded that my kids need me. My husband is far from perfect. But he's good to me and he tries to be the best husband he can be. To me, that's all I can ask for. I'm blessed to have a man who is willing to stay home with our children and raise them. He gets looks from other men, especially when he's out alone with both kids, but he doesn't care. He's proud of his role and he's pretty good at it. No, he can't cook and clean AND watch the kids but he does the best he can. And I am proud of him. Aside from Allen, my two boys are the best thing God's ever given to me. I love them with all my life and I feel so blessed to have two healthy little boys.

I have a job whose employees are like my second family. When one of us goes through something we all go through something. That's rare in these days. I'm thankful for my job. It's very stressful and the long hours and constant board meetings can make me feel like I've lost my mind. And I don't make a lot of money. However, I have a God that has proven he will provide for me in times of need so despite my small paycheck, I have somehow been able to take care of my family. And when I cannot, God gives Allen opportunities to fill in the gaps.

I could go on and on. But I won't. I just know that I'm blessed and I know that somehow I will get through this. Every day, God reminds me of all I have to be thankful for. I think in time, and with constant reminders, it'll help get me out of this crazy funk I'm going through.