Looking for the road not taken....

Lately, I've felt really alone. I know that I'm not but sometimes, even when you are surrounded by people, you can still feel like there is no one around. 

There's been a lot going on lately and it's things I don't care to discuss on such a public space, partly because I'm ashamed and partly because I'm angry. But regardless, it's really getting to me and I just want it to go away. The problem is, I know that it never will. 

I wonder if my hormones are all messed up right now and this depression that I feel myself slipping into is just the pregnancy and that next week, I'll be fine. But, I know that in another week or two, all these feelings will come creeping back. 

I wish I could wake up tomorrow and just forget everything that's happened in the past, forget about all the people who have hurt me and betrayed me but it's not that simple is it? I know God is all about forgiveness and he wants us to forgive and I am trying but it's really hard. I hate when people say they are sorry and then they turn around and do the same thing again. How can you be sorry for something but keep on doing it, especially when you know it hurts someone you claim to care about. I take apologies and promises seriously and I have problems with people who make promises they never keep and apologize consistently for the same mistakes. I guess God experiences this everyday. 

So I'm trying to deal with things and I'm trying really hard not to let them affect me too much because I know stress is not good for the baby. But holding it all in and just ignoring it isn't really helping much. Instead, it's making the pain deeper and greater. But I know it'll never be resolved because some people aren't into talking about their mistakes. They just want to ignore them and hope they go away and are forgotten about, especially by the people they hurt. 

I'm trying really hard to forget about the past and focus on the future but sometimes it's hard to see what the future holds. Sometimes you have to do things and make choices that will be really hard and painful but that will be the best thing you can do for yourself in the long run. Sometimes you have to let go of the people that continuously hurt you. I think of the Robert Frost Poem, The Road Not Taken, and am wondering what road to take to continue into my future. I feel like I took the familiar road, the road everyone wanted me to take but now, it's time to look into taking the road that is less traveled, the road that may not be the popular route but the one that in the end, will be the best for me.

I wish God would come sit down with me and chat and help me figure things out. I've tried to go to a quiet place and find Him but I can't ever seem to hear anything. I just need some guidance and direction. I need a good shoulder to cry on and someone to hold me and tell me everything will be all right.