Til death do us part....

Last week, an old high school friend of mine lost his wife after an accident. This guy was a pretty good friend of mine in high school. He was super smart and had a wickedly sarcastic sense of humor. I thought of him as a friend. 

Of course, after high school, we lost touch, as most high school classmates do. But through Facebook, we connected again. Well, not really, we just became friends. There were never any long, drawn out messages or anything but it was nice to know he was there and I could sort of keep up with him, just as I can keep up with all my classmates. 

When he posted a few weeks ago that his wife had been in a 4-wheeler accident, I worried about her and hoped she was okay. And later, when he continued to update us via Facebook, and the news didn't sound good, I worried for him. 

I could tell he loved his wife, he loved her the way men should love their wives, the way all women want to be loved. When he posted that he didn't know how he'd live without her, just a day or two before her death, my heart broke for him. When he posted that she had passed, I cried a little for him. I felt his pain. 

I can't imagine losing Allen. Despite everything we've been through, I can't imagine having to wake up one day without him next to me. I think it would kill me. I know that one day, hopefully years from now, one of us will die. It's inevitable, it's life, but to lose someone you love so deeply at such a young age is just heartbreaking for me. 

I've experienced losing someone too soon. Jennifer died at 27 years old. I remember how painful and hard that was for me and her family. Even today, I still feel like there's a hole in my heart where Jennifer's friendship used to be. It hurts and I imagine it always will. 

No one knows why God takes people away from us too soon. We'll probably never know. No matter how many theories I put behind Jennifer's death or even behind life after her death, nothing eases the pain. I know God needed Jennifer more than we did but it still hurts and sometimes, I admit, I'm still mad at Him for taking her. 

I joke with Allen sometimes that I hope and pray that when it's our time to go from this world, that it is me that goes first because I don't want to have to deal with the pain of losing him. I know it will hurt more than any other pain I've ever felt. I've never loved a person so deeply and strongly and unconditionally and I hope I never have to go through what my old high school friend is going through. I pray for him to find peace and comfort. And I pray that he's a lot stronger than I would be.