Reporters

There are many days when I question my career choice. I wonder if I was meant to do this whole reporter job.

I enjoy the overall weekly newspaper business but being a reporter is really hard for me sometimes. I love doing most of the things I do. I can even tolerate board meetings but there are some stories I just dread sinking my teeth into. I just don't feel like my personality type is meant to do those types of stories

I'm not a naturally outgoing person. I am shy and I don't like crowds. I prefer to keep to myself. I don't like pissing people off and I want everyone to like me. So being a reporter obviously does not fit well with these character traits. But somehow, I've managed to get by. I've learned to approach people and ask them questions and I've learned to accept the fact that sometimes, I have to piss people off and not care. It's hard but I do it when I have to. I try to be a nice person most of the time and that has done well for me in this business but occasionally, I have to get ugly and mean and I don't like it.

Somehow, I've stayed in this business for almost 8 years, not only in this business but at a weekly newspaper. Most reporters move on to bigger and better things but I enjoy the smaller papers. I enjoy being able to do it all, the photography, the stories, the layout, etc. And I like the atmosphere a lot more too. But eventually you do burn out and this business becomes overwhelming. I fear I am almost at that point.

I haven't really moved up in this business and I guess there's really nowhere to move up in a weekly paper. I had pictured myself as an editor or something by now. But I'm still just a reporter, a reporter with some editorial responsibilities. And I'm afraid that's all I will be.

I've done this long enough to know what to do and how to do it but sometimes, I don't want to be the one to do it. I would rather tell someone else what to do and how to do it and me look it over and say, "good job" or "this isn't done yet so back to the drawing board!"

Now, I have a baby on the way and my life will no longer revolve around being a reporter as it does now. I wonder how that will affect my role as a reporter.

Sometimes, you do stories on things that really piss people off. Many times, I feel I have to watch my back. I've been threatened before, my boss has been threatened and the whole newspaper in general has been threatened and though we normally don't take the threats seriously,  in the back of my head, it scares me. Now, with a baby on the way, it scares me more.

But really, I don't know what else to do with my life. I'm a writer and that's really all I know. And since my career as a famous author hasn't taken off, I feel the only other way I can write is to stay in the newspaper business, which isn't a bad place to be, it's just stressful and very busy.